OUT WITH COUCH
DEAR MERCURY—I suggest that we lay off North Portland street name changes and instead recommend we change Couch to Chávez ["Name Dropping," News, Sept 20]. Reasoning: (1) apparently we don't pronounce it correctly anyway, (2) it would give the people at the Henry something else to get fired up about, (3) we are going to be redoing the street (coupling or decoupling), and (4) perhaps in a hundred years they will be pronouncing it "Chayvis" Street anyway.
[Below is a comment left on a Blogtown, PDX posting that announced the 64-10 vote of the Arbor Lodge Neighborhood Association opposing the name change of Interstate Avenue. The following is in reaction to an earlier comment suggesting that opponents of the change were guilty of underlying anti-Hispanic sentiments. Weigh in for yourself at blogtown.portlandmercury.com]
Marissa's comments are just jaw dropping. I can see why she was nearly reduced to tears, what with all the big, mean, bad crackers suggesting renaming parks and buildings and endlessly expressing their respect toward both the man and the culture being represented. Well, gee, I guess we should just start basing all civic planning on feelings. Here's mine: I'm gay and the fact that there isn't a Matthew Shepard Freeway makes me feel really sad and bad. So change the 5 to the "Matthew Shepard Blessed Martyr Expressway" right now or I will know you for the obvious, clear and demonstrable homophones you are!
Posted by ENV
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT...
DEAR MERCURY—Your Butter Hogs article mentioned Country Crock as a descriptor of butter several times, and showed photos of Randy Leonard loading up his basket with Gold-n-Soft and sitting in a vehicle with more non-butter products ["Butter Hogs XXVI," Feature, Sept 20]. FYI: Margarine is not butter. Was this part of the satire—to joke on Willamette Week's poor reporting? Or could it be that you are simply "fucking imbeciles"?
VEGANS HOG BUTTER, TOO!TO THE MERCURY: I really enjoyed your Butter Hogs article ["Butter Hogs XXVI," Feature, Sept 20], outing the filthiest butter-hoggers in the city. I must say, though, that I was greatly offended at your lack of diversity. Since Portland is consistently ranked among the top vegan-friendly cities in the nation, it is an egregious blunder to leave vegan butter hogs out of the mix! These butter hogs slather the artificial yellow stuff on any food item they can find to scarf down, from waffles to Fakin' Bacon.
MATT WAS ON VACATION
DEAR MERCURY—I want the calories back that I expended while leafing through the last issue of this paper, looking for something readable. It was the anniversary of James Chasse's murder by the police. So where were you, Matt Davis? Scott Moore couldn't transcend his own privilege or boring, formulaic style to write an intuitive article ["One Year Later," News, Sept 20]. He ignored the context and implications of the murder for those most frequently targeted by our brutal and prejudiced police force AND forgot about the contingent (larger than you'd expect) of black-clad anarchists who need their weekly anti-cop fix. Folks brought flowers and candles and an illegal memorial to set up at the site of Chasse's death, and a woman stood at the corner of NW 13th and Everett all day with anti-police brutality signs. All week there were anti-cop fliers around town and on the news boxes. This is quite clearly bigger than a simple police accountability issue. Please come back, Matt Davis. Another week of bland shit in this paper and we won't be able to read on.
KEEP PORTLAND'S BEARD
FRANK CASSANO—You fat fucking imbecile ["Grin and Beard It!", New Column, Sept 20]. It should be obvious to you, and your lustrous beard, that the name for your new column needs to be, "Keep Portland's Beard."
CONGRATULATIONS TO DAVID for his contribution to the brainstorm of titles for Frank Cassano's new hit column about beards. This is a community paper, and your suggestions are always welcome. So... David wins two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater and lunch at No Fish! Go Fish!, where your suggestions may be somewhat less welcome.