SHERLOCK'S ON THE CASE!

DEAR MERCURY: After reading Evangeline Nichols' letter complaining that she didn't give consent for the "degrading" photo of her published on the cover of the Willamette Week ["Letters," July 27], I decided to take a gander at the cover. My findings? It's a photograph of two guys with some blurry chick walking through the frame in the background. This is what her vitriol is all about? Is Evangeline honestly concerned about the issues of obtaining consent or publishing sexually degrading photos? Or could it be that it's really just a dramatic plea for local fame? All I know is that she doesn't hate the photo THAT much, considering it's her main picture on MySpace.

 Dan Callaway

THE AFFLUENT INTERN

MATT DAVIS: Whatever would possess you to "cross the 405" in the first place? ["Yuppin' It Up: Drinking in the Pearl", Drinking Issue, July 27] Upon venturing into Slabtown, you were appalled to find people playing darts and smoking? Slabtown is a fucking bar, not a health spa in California. Sorry you were reduced to eating chicken strips, perhaps you would have preferred some garnish artfully arranged on your plate instead. Next time you travel to New York, London, or Paris, your "kind of places," give me a call. I'll be happy to provide you with a list of establishments where your attitude will result in the proper ass-kicking you deserve.

Michael Marantic

STAY ON YOUR SIDE!

DEAR MERCURY: The reporting on NW Portland and the Pearl were some of the worst I've ever read [Drinking Issue, July 27]. First, Alison [Hallett] pigeonholes NW into three blocks of 21st Ave? She missed 99 percent of the best bars up here. Then, Matt [Davis] misses 99 percent of the best places in the Pearl, and includes Slabtown??? I thoroughly enjoy reading the Merc, but if you guys are going to cross the river, please put a little thought into it first. Oh, by the way, Alison: an Eastside-r calling NW 21st a "freakshow" is a gangster from Compton calling Beverly Hills a slum. Stay on your side of the river.

John Porter

NERDS ARE TOTALLY BITCHIN'

TO WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY: Jesus! I HATE your bitching about nerds [I Love Television, July 27]. Who do you think spent eons figuring out how to brew booze that didn't kill you? NERDS! Who invented aspirin? NERDS! Who figured out how to make crack from hay fever pills? NERDS! Who invented the computers that allow you to disparage nerds? NERDS! And yes, as a genuine nerd, I can tell you that we seek booty as much, if not more so, than you do (hard to believe, I know). The difference between you and us is that the booty we get is high-class, clean, on birth control, and can pay for the cab ride home. Can you say that for the class of (barely) female/male "dates" you end up with? I think not. And I make more money than you will ever dream about. So there!

Garey Fouts

CONGRATULATIONS TO LOCAL NERD GAREY for coming to the defense of his nerdling ilk. After all, it's no fun picking on a nerd without any pluck! We'll look forward to meeting you someday, Garey, especially after a long night of booze and hay fever pills (thanks!). But until then, we'll leave you with two tickets to see Himsa at the Hawthorne Theatre on Friday, August 11, plus $30 to No Fish! Go Fish!, where the nerd-burgers are served battered and fried.

HOW TO LISTEN TO "PODCASTS"

Podcasts are like little radio shows you can play on the internet. The Mercury posts new podcasts every day of the week, featuring a range of wicked hot music, from classic soul and punk to the latest local bands. And yet, some of you are intimidated by "the technology" of the podcast. To allay those fears, here's a quick primer that will quickly make anyone an expert in podcast listening. Follow these easy steps: 1) Go to portlandmercury.com/podcasts. 2) Find a podcast that interests you. 3) Click on the "Listen" button. 4) Listen. YES, IT'S THAT EASY! Head on over to portlandmercury.com and hear what you've been missing!