ROAMING THE STREETS
DEAR PORTLAND BUSINESS ALLI-ANCE—If you really want to "help solve [the problem]" of "roaming groups of street kids" in the downtown shopping blocks, as that twit Rene Denfeld claims, how about disbanding the rent-a-cops goon squad and instead using that money to staff another youth drop-in at peak shopping hours ["Sitting Targets," News, Feb 14]?
Big Jim the Problem-Solver
ALL THAT JAZZ
DEAR MERCURY—I was excited to see your article about Ornette Coleman ["Oh Ornette!" Music, Feb 14], but Kevin Friedman's piece is poorly written and displays a questionable understanding of Coleman's music. Nevertheless, I'm glad you wrote about music besides indie rock.
TO ANDY CARLOFF ["But All I Wanted to Do Is Tell You How to Run Your Paper," Letters, Feb 14]—FUCK YOU for wanting to call Barack Obama a "bourgeoisie douchebag"! I suppose you all would prefer "100 Years War" McCain or Shrill Hillary instead, huh? Man, I'll be soo happy when Barack Obama becomes president, because there's A LOT of unfinished business to take care of. You crackers owe us PLENTY!
GRUMPY OLD MEN
DEAR MERCURY—After reading the article in last week's Mercury about the plight of teenyboppers gaining access to music venues, my response to the writer is "You'll understand when you're older" ["OLCC Redux," Our Town Could Be Your Life, Feb 14]. Wait your turn like the rest of us, and you'll be glad you did.
MERCURY—In regards to your sex survey, I found it appalling that under the question "I've had sex with BLANK," that sex with an unconscious person is even an option [Mercury Sex Survey, Feature, Feb 7]. In your attempt to be hip and edgy you came off as repulsive and ignorant.
DEAR JUSTIN W. SANDERS AND MARJORIE SKINNER—In reference to the Portland Mercury's cover art-related article "Crazy Love," and your column "Indoor/Outdoor: Some Hard Truths About Public Sex" [Feature, Feb 7]. Yes, I will agree that hot tubs and swimming pools are not the best of places publicly; as lubrication, public health, and the potential of cold-water "turtling" can add layers of complexity and inconveniences. But cars, parks, and public water closets are off-the-hook awesome! Yes, my partner and I have been practicing yoga for a while, but I really do not think that has anything to do with the ability to suck down, pet, lick, upside-down 69, butt to the glass, back over again, pump, and grind with the driver's seat kicked back. Parks, no matter the weather, are great! I just love being outdoors, as nature is my temple, my church, my spirituality. Lastly, public toilets can be funky, but that is potentially the lure of it! Heck, just up against a brick or concrete wall along a highly trafficked street, alley, or overpass can be an amazing rush!
A LITTLE ADVICE
MERCURY—It is clear that Mr. Sanders is very uncreative in his outdooor lovemaking ["Indoor/Outdoor," Feature, Feb 7]. The car: slide the front passenger seat all the way back and moderately reclined. The girl is seated, her ass on the edge of the seat, facing forward. The fella kneeling on the floorboards in front of her. Outside: soft grass, near trees, under cover of night, best with a blanket. Aquatic: kneeling in the shallows of a stream or hot spring works well. Bathroom: locking, single occupant, and using the sink for support is the only way to go. Use these tips, and perhaps a little lube, and you can enjoy the sweetness of sex in outrageous places.
CONGRATULATIONS TO PATRICK for providing a much-needed counterpoint to Justin Sanders' dim view of public lovemaking. Patrick wins two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, and lunch at No Fish! Go Fish!, where the bathrooms are squeaky clean (just sayin').