SCIENTOLOGISTS DON'T TIP
DEAR MERCURY—Barbara Hogan's letter crying about Ann [Romano]'s treatment of Scientology demonstrates everything that's wrong with Americans and the supposed nature of political correctness [Letters, May 29, in reference to ongoing Scientology coverage in One Day at a Time]. No one's protected from words, no one should be. Playing the victim-hood card doesn't make you guys victims. Oh, and by the way, I worked at that Coffee People by your "celebrity" center, and all the people who used to come in can go fuck themselves. You all dressed the same, had the same crazy gleam in your eyes, and never tipped.
DEAR MERCURY—At one point in my life I was sympathetic to the cause of animal rights. I respect vegans/vegetarians—it's a tough lifestyle, but saying you are morally superior is tantamount to Christians converting the heathens. Your lifestyle is a culture unto itself. It doesn't take into account poverty; most of the world is forced to eat meat because that's all they have access to. Foie gras is different, obviously, because it costs quite a bit ["Foie Gras Protests Resume in Portland," Last Supper, May 22]. But it's still a culture issue. Forcing this dish out of Portland won't make it go away.
IS IT THAT OBVIOUS?
DEAR MERCURY—What's up with letting Marjorie Skinner review Sex and the City ["No Boys Allowed," Film, May 29]? She obviously has a vagina. That's like letting John McCain review Rambo, or letting Stephen Hawking review The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. And I thought you were a progressive rag.
WOULD THAT MAKE US MIDDLE EAST CORRESPONDENTS?
HELLO—My lady friend and I are moving from North Portland to Northeast (right down the street from your office, actually) and we've decided that a more fitting name for our new neighborhood would be... The Middle East. I think that Sandy Boulevard really helps my cause.
DEAR MERCURY—I moved to Portland in 2003 with money in my pocket from working in another state. Over time, I came to realize that Portland, as a city, has a depressive illness. Talking about "livability" is one thing, but I would like to point out to the mayor-elect that livability is not just about free streetcar zones and friendly people and nice parks, it's also about the ability to MAKE A LIVING WHERE YOU LIVE. I love and adore Portland, but when my old boss called from another state and offered me $65,000 a year with benefits and commission, well, after five years, I had to call it a day. New taxes are not the answer, and neither is the hipster attitude that anyone who questions being underpaid is somehow disloyal to the city, or doesn't belong there. There are only so many California retirees and Intel employees who can pay the bills for everyone....
DEAR MERCURY—The only reason I can figure that you guys are still allowing Andrew R Tonry to write embarrassing, self-indulgent articles on topics ranging from his explorations of "What Is (and Isn't) Music?" [Once More with Feeling, March 27] and his latest discoveries in hiphop is that perhaps he is not a twentysomething Portland resident, but rather a 14-year-old Make-a-Wish Foundation kid from the Midwest whose aspiration was to one day become a music journalist. Keep up the humanitarian efforts, Mercury!
UMM... SKIP PG. 5
DEAR MERCURY—I wanted to take a second and thank you for your un-bureaucratic approach to the news. With all the bullshit that is considered news these days, the Portland Mercury is a breath of fresh air for all of us who could care less about Paris, Nicole, and Lindsay.
WOW, WE SO RARELY get sincerely positive letters to the editor for no apparent reason at all that we've almost no choice but to give "M" the letter of the week! Just, like, don't worry about that Ann Romano column on pg. 5. Start on pg. 6. Yeah, that's when it gets good. M wins two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater and lunch at No Fish! Go Fish!, which is also where it gets good.