BUGS ARE NOT VEGAN
DEAR MERCURY—In Chad Simmons' letter he said, "most of the world is forced to eat meat because that's all they have access to" ["Duck, Duck...," Letters, June 5]. Most of the world eats rice and bugs, has no running water, and sleeps on dirt. Go visit a Third World country.
GOOD EVENING—This email is a followup to my phone call to a Matt Davis regarding the complete and disgraceful description of myself and the art called burlesque ["Pride Festival Entertainment," Queer Issue, June 5]. Burlesque is an art form that has been around for many, many years. It is NOT some fly-by-night fad. Burlesque was started in 1840, brought to the states by Lydia Thompson in 1860, and was made popular by such greats as Gypsy Rose Lee, Tempest Storm, Kitty de Ville, and the Pontani Sisters. Now, I'd like to point out that you mentioned in the Portland Mercury that "Sahara Dunes is a 'burlesque performer,' which means queer stripper." Now, my dear... all of the greats mentioned here ARE NOT queer. For you to come along and downplay all our hard work, our dedication, and disgrace the very beauty of burlesque by calling it "queer stripping" is appalling.
MATT DAVIS RESPONDS: I was referring specifically to your act, not to burlesque as a whole. As such, I'm just calling it as I see it, and also, I'm right.
NOT FUNNY, YOU F$%#ING SH*&#!!
TO THE MERCURY VIA VOICEMAIL—What the FUCK are you people thinking with this fucking cover? [Queer Issue, June 5] What's this BULLSHIT about fucking homophobic humor? It's not funny!! What the fuck does the fucking TriMet rate have to do with gay? Stupid fucking pieces of shit... FUCK YOU!!!
YOU REALLY GAY'D THAT UP
TO THE MERCURY: It seems like Humpy was busy "gayin' it up" when he let pg. 25 of the 2008 PDX Pride Guide slip out. What the fuck language is that? "Kicking off corng nf 'K c rino f..."? Hopefully the Mercury will continue to provide enjoyable randomness using the keen editing skills we all know and love. Look for my new band, Corng nf, to hit the scene soon!
HUMPY RESPONDS: Though I was admittedly doing a lot of "gayin' it up" this week, that effed-up page was a error on our printer's part. But be sure to look for a corrected version of our Official Guide to Pride practically everywhere at this weekend's Pride Festival!
DEAR MERCURY—I've been thinking about Jeffrey Gillespie's letter that appeared in this week's edition of the Mercury because he so perfectly articulates my own feelings about Portland ["Depressively Illin'," Letters, June 5]. Having left Portland in 1984 after five months of unemployment, to arrive in NYC with no job prospects, yet start a job two days later earning almost four times what I was earning at my last job in Portland—after four years of employment at that firm!!—I'm thinking it is time for Portland to update its slogan from "The City that Works" to "The City that Works... for Less." Imagine the possibilities for business recruitment!
WE FEEL YOU, Anonymous, and look forward to when milk and honey rains down upon every Portlander. Those days are totes coming. In the meantime, here's some free stuff! Two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater and lunch at No Fish! Go Fish!, where the soup is actually worth paying for (even though this time you don't have to).
LOOK! APRIL WON A BIKE!
The Mercury congratulates April Alecia Stone, who entered the Great Pedalpalooza Bike Giveaway and won big! Lucky April will receive a Specialized Langster New York Fixed Gear bike, courtesy of the Mercury and the most awesomest of awesome bike shops, River City Bicycles (706 SE MLK Blvd). Walk in or ride by today!