Montague and Capulet. Nice allusion. Ha. Ha-ha. I say!

But, not funny. Next!

WEEKLY SUMMARY:

Not funny: 28

Slighty funny: 3

Nicely turned mot: 0

Witty and satirical: 0

Effective parody: 0



By the by, old chap, received a communique from the home office in Llanridend, Wales, requesting I attempt to collect on the checque issued upon your account for the entrant's fee in this year's humor and parody contest. The 227th Annual, would you believe?

Anyway, as you Yanks put it, it was "rubber" and "bounced". Please reissue at your earliest convenience.

Baron Sir J. Humphery Wirthington, B.S., O.B.E., Bf.D.
Commander, North American Division
Royal Guild of Humorists & Satirists

Mr. Dombroski:

I note a certain amount of rage in your comments. Perhaps you don't understand several very basic facts of life in these United States.

The law, however stupid you may think it is, applies to all equally. With the exception, of course, to Portland's finest, who have claimed the right to disregard any law that inconveniences them. So unless you are a Portland Peace Officer, you and the rest of us are required to follow the law as best we can.

Second, the law was written to keep twits like you from hurting yourself. If you are intent on doing this, so be it. But don't blame the law. Stand up like a man and say, "I am stupid and choose to disregard this law."

The third point is that given your apparent intellectual attainments, it is highly probable that you are in that unfornuate 40% than do not have health insurance. This is an imposition on myself and all other law abiding citizens in that we get to pay for your medical care once you've accomplished your apparent goal of committing suicide. Medical care for those in vegetative states runs into the millions over the course of years. Why should I pay this if you are too self-centered and self-righteous to use common sense? Of course, once you are finally successful in getting yourself struck down in traffic, someone has to pay for the removal of the grease stain that was once you. Again, the tax payers carry this burden.

Finally, Learned Hand and other justices of the Supreme Court of the United States have commented repeatedly over the years that there is a duty of citizenship to resist unfair or unconstitutional laws if you feel they are unfair or unconstitutional. This logic does, however, does not apply to laws you happen to fell are stupid.

I remain your humble servant,

Jacomus

Jim the historian,

Thanks for the tour through history. As you likely guessed, I sourced my article on mere conjecture and performed no actual research to back up my claims. I apologize if I have further dumbed down the collective intelligence.

My journalism is best suited for printing in the Willamette Week or the Washington Post along side Broder and the rest.

I do know that Mark Twain purchased the first mass produced bicycle in Hartford CT and rode it all over town when its presence was akin to seeing a segway. He named his cats Satan and Lucifer to get a chuckle when his daughters would call them in for the night. Hopefully he will forgive me and let me burn happily in hell.