Today's Topic: The Perils of Sodomy

Dear Reverend Hanson: Praise Jesus! I have walked the straight and narrow path for 93 years now, doing the Lord's work gladly and earnestly. Today, I've learned that He is calling me home! The cancer has spread all through my bones, but I feel no pain, only His Love. I'm cleared for take-off on that heavenly runway, my soul tucked safely beneath the seat in front of me!

The trouble is, my granddaughter is a sodomist. She's been sodomizing ever since she was 20. I have spoken earnestly and lovingly with her about the evils of sodomy and the peril of each sodom she commits with her "partner." She denies her sodomy, but I can tell it just from the clothes they wear and the way they look at each other. I fear terribly that she will continue to sodomize herself and others, debase the temple of her body, and surely endanger her soul.

Yesterday, I was visited by a friend of hers, a so-called "woman of the cloth," who claimed that the sodomies committed by my granddaughter are not sin at all, merely expressions of Christian love. She went so far as to suggest that Heaven is a place where sodomists are allowed to openly sodomize one another! Please tell me this is not so! I would hate to enter those wide pearly gates I've dreamed of for so long, only to be sodomized.

Reverend Hanson, for my granddaughter's sake, I ask you: Is there sodomy in Heaven?


Coming Home Soon

Dear Coming: Sodomy is a sin. Heaven is a sin-free establishment. It's that simple. If your granddaughter can read Genesis 19, Levictus 18:22 and 20:13, Corinthians 6:19, and Romans 1:22, and still cavort lewdly in the style you suggest, then I fear she may not sit beside you on His Heavenly Airliner, nor meet you later at His Baggage Claim.

The Apocalypse, that day of final reckoning, is extremely nigh! I'm talking weeks, not years. That's such unfortunate timing for young sinners who haven't yet seen the light--they haven't "got all day" like you and I have had. I'm sure that in 93 long years you've made errors, strayed occasionally from the path. Perhaps you even did a little sodomizing. We all do from time to time. But then, we pray to Jesus for forgiveness, and He washes away the stain of our sin, leaving us smelling like roses. Jesus will forgive us if our contrition is sincere and our faith is true, no matter if the sin is sodomy, bigamy, extortion, idolatry, lying, murder, or even "animal husbandry."

Pray for your granddaughter, and beg the Lord to show her the light. But don't let your last will and testament establish a sodomy slush-fund! Instead, consider a donation to the M. Leon Hanson Mission for Clean Living. Your tax-deductible donation will help defray the printing costs of our evangelical anti-sodomy tract for young people, JESUS SAYS "THAT DON'T GO THERE!"