The Pope

Sins of the Flesh

Dear Reverend Hanson: I am completely naked. It's springtime, the sun is out, the air is warm and pleasant, and I am relaxing on a towel in my backyard. Nobody can see me; nothing prurient or shameful is happening here. I am just enjoying the sun and wind on my neck, shoulders, back, and buttocks.

Yes, I said "buttocks!" I'm not ashamed! We are created in His Image, aren't we? He must have buttocks too. I am a Christian Naturist, but I have to hide my nudism from my Christian brethren, for even though they all have buttocks, they refuse to discuss them. For speaking about buttocks, I have been called "pervert," "gammorite," and "fornicator." I'm not fornicating anything! God gave me buttocks, and they are beautiful, and right now they are naked.

Reverend, why do so many Christians believe nudity is sinful?

Agnes M., Multnomah Village

Agnes: if you love Christ, CLOTHE YOURSELF THIS INSTANT! Christian Naturists, homosexual Christians, polygamous Christians, Roman Catholics, and Wiccan Satanists are ALL blinded by SIN if they believe that the Bible condones their "lifestyle." GOD DOES NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR BUTTOCKS!

Can you picture Our Savior delivering the Sermon on the Mount NUDE? I cannot. The Bible tells us how, at the very instant of Jesus' birth, God commanded angels to wrap the holy infant in swaddling clothing, before even a chicken in the manger might glimpse Jesus' Sin Area. And so swaddled, Jesus remained through all his time on earth, chaste in a saintly complement of robes, under-robes, and support garments. Yea, though He walked many miles through dusty Galilee, He did not perspire, nor undress, nor did He bathe any part of his body save His feet, for He was pure.

Far too many Christian churches display an abominable parody of the Crucifixion popularized by Michelangelo and other sick gay "artists" of the so-called "Renaissance." Michelangelo's pornographic sculptures depict Our Savior as a skinny, hairless pansy, unclothed, but for a loosely draped loincloth that practically screams "tug me!" But the Scriptures describe a different Jesus, a virile, fully clothed soldier of peace, an Ultimate Fighter who could drag a 300-pound cross from Galilee to Golgotha single-handed. Christ was TOUGH!

And what do you suppose Michelangelo might have found, could he have torn away Christ's Holy Undergarment? Some "BUTTOCKS," perhaps? Nay! Nothing of the sort! For Jesus, Our Savior was born chaste, in the perfect image of Our Father, free of "buttocks" and all other genitalia of sin.

Your Sin Area is God's shameful reminder of your corruption by original sin. It is nothing to be proud of, nor is it beautiful. Yes, Christ demands that you confront your sinful nature honestly--but you don't have to WAVE IT AROUND IN PUBLIC! Shame, Agnes, is a Christian quality in which you are woefully insufficient. CLOTHE YOURSELF, READ YOUR BIBLE, AND PRAY!