Canseco was trying to clean FOUR GUNS AT THE SAME TIME?

Jesus...what did he have planned for that weekend?

Ann, I only the read Mercury for your column. Although I cringe when you speak politics, I am willing to take the good with the bad. I too have a fascination with popular culture and share your point of view on the grotesque happenings of celebrity weirdness. I must ask, although your column is purely for entertainment, is there any way you can start introducing some of our locals to the far more sinister dealings of Hollywood. I know this is not very funny, but if anyone could do it you could. You have a following, and people in Portland are smarter than the average citizen. Most of the celebrities if not possibly close to all of them are pawns. Yes they have sold their souls for fame. Many of them were young and stupid and had no idea that fame had a price: Britney, Miley, Demi, Katy, Rhianna, Selena, Nicki, Taylor, Arianna, Gaga, Kesha, Justin, on an on - they were just kids and among the many MK Ultra Monarch victims. The last few years have proved that the Hollywood Cult is showing no mercy and are willing to morally bankrupt our entire citizenry through programming and brainwashing. Please check out a preview at http://vigilantcitizen.com/. We need to call this shit out. It takes sick to an unimaginable level. Don't mean to be a buzzkill, but shit is not so funny any more once you know the truth.

Fame. I'm gonna live forever.

Please let Jose Canseco be the villain in Expendables 4.