Sure, the French may think they've cornered the market on syphilis. But did you know one out of five Americans have genital herpes? Or that 50-75 percent of true-blue patriots will contract HPV? Is that not enough to convince you of our country's supreme VD dominance? Well, how 'bout this statistic: One in two American women will contract chlamydia by the time they're 30. Which means either you, or your best friend, can expect to see a case of chlamydia knocking on your door soon!
So, with the majority of Americans enjoying at least one STD this Fourth of July, we quote the words of President Bush: "Either you are with us or against us." Please join us in celebrating a fine American tradition: the STD.