OUR JAPANESE INTERN MURDERED SOMEBODY!
Aww, dude! You are not going to fucking believe this. So we've got this Japanese intern named Shinji, right? And all the time we're getting him to do crazy shit; like drinking a frozen burrito smoothie blended with our laundry water, or asking fat chicks out on dates, or French-kissing a goat. So we're just sitting around the office joking about how fucking fat Fat Tommy is, and Fat Tommy says, "Hey Shinji--why don't you go kill the guy at Dunkin' Donuts?"
AND HE DID IT!
He actually waited until the Dunkin' Donuts guy got off work, and followed him home. Then he snuck into the guy's house, strangled him with a lamp cord, and chopped up the body with a skill saw. And we're all like, "Shinji! You totally murdered that Dunkin' Donuts dude! We were just JOKING!" And Shinji looks all confused and says, "So... you want I should kill Mr. Klispy Kleme?"