Kalah Allen

Dear roommate: I am so sorry for what I'm about to relay to you... I came running in the house holding my ass cheeks closed with all the determination I could muster. I vaulted into the bathroom just in the nick of time, and proceeded to empty my exploding bowels. To my dismay, I realized moments too late that we had run out of toilet paper, and so I did what any sane person does and began running the faucet in the bathtub. I jumped in and proceeded to wash my asshole, squatting as close to the drain as I could. I was just about to step out when I bumped the little hose running to the showerhead, which was connected to the shower rack, which was, until then, balancing your toothbrush. Sure enough it landed in the little bit of water that hadn't made it to the drain, and I, not knowing what to do, put it back. I'm sorry; it was too embarrassing to tell you outright. So if you live with a roommate and your toothbrush is in the shower on a shower rack, just throw it away.—Anonymous