Are you up for a challenge? Do you like to win? Are you a good jumper, a great jogger, a speedy bicyclist, and a skillful swimmer? Do you like doughnuts, tasty beverages, and helping charity? Do you like to watch the occasional man-on-man porno? Well, porn lover or not, it sounds like you're ready to take the Portland Challenge. A race across grass, sidewalk, street, and water, the Portland Challenge takes you from the Laurelhurst Park (meet by the basketball courts) to Waterfront Park all by way of your spry little legs and arms.

And what will you receive for your efforts? Well, certainly a T-shirt, and probably some other assorted prizes if you complete the Challenge with even a modicum of skill and dexterity. Beyond that, you'll receive the most wonderful feeling in the world: the feeling of having helped a needy child. It works like this: Your walking/jogging/biking/swimming earns currency, and upon completion of your task, sponsors will reward $10,000 to build a "House of Peace and Love" for street children in Tanzania.

Need more incentive? Well the coast guard will be on hand while you gimp your way across the murky Willamette waters. So, if you freeze up, get a leg cramp, or are attacked by a river serpent, don't worry--a sexy Coast Guardian will swoop in and rescue you. You might even get a date out of it. So take the challenge, do-gooder, and help some kids without actually having to hang out with them. KATIE SHIMER

Portland Challenge, Meet Sunday August 24 at the Laurelhurst Annex (at Laurelhurst Park) by the basketball courts at 11 am. Free to participate. Call Jay at 481-1361 for more details.