Kalah Allen
To my girlfriend's stupid, lazy, deadbeat brother: I am pleased to announce that because you are too cheap to spend $3 on a bag of your own disposable razors, you have been shaving your face with the razor I use exclusively on my nut sack and twain for the last two months. It's not hard to track the frequency with which you use it, since you never bother to return it to the shower ledge where I keep it. It gives me much perverse pleasure to watch you and your slunk-meat, dirt- bag, elitist girlfriend snuggle cheek to cheek with the residue of my ball sack and ass hair clinging to your face. You'll be happy to know that I splurged on a nice electric razor, which I use in the car on the way to work. This saves me roughly an extra 10 minutes each day, which is just enough time for your little sister to vigorously reap the rewards of a nicely shorn package every morning. Enjoy your shave, taint face!

--Anonymous