Savage Love Nov 19, 2009 at 4:00 am

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Comments

1
In response to letter two, though, if you substituted "retard" for "nigger" or "faggot," though, that would be okay in Dan Savage's world, right? Just a different kind of discriminatory and hate-filled word based on someone's genetic makeup (hey, kind of like having a different skin color or being gay!) that's okay to throw around without regard for the consequences. 'Cause "if people are using "retard" when there aren't any disabled people in the room, they're doubtless using "faggot" when there aren't any gay people in the room", right?
2
My gay freind casually tells me one day, "you know its ok if you call me a faggot". I personally hate the word as much as I do the N word, so I don't call him that. If someone was tossing faggot around the office I'd let HR know, but I'd also tell them that its not ok.

As for the emfem TG/gay boy... talk to HR, but there is no reason you can't use the ladies room. Most of the stalls have doors anyways... I'm sure some TG is more anxious about being accepted than getting in the ladies pants in the restroom. Its not like she's into girls anyways.

According to the law, however... a business has to be "reasonably accommodating" for protected classes... if the designate a gender neutral restroom then use that one. There was a case at Boeing where a TG wanted and kept using the ladies room after being told to use a unisex single person restroom... she was fired for not complying, and sued Boeing. She lost for not conforming to their reasonable accommodation.
3
@jonashpdx

I think Dan should be given credit for already removing "retarded" from his vocabulary--he's written several articles using "leotarded" instead. You're beating a dead horse here. Also, do you really live at the airport?
4
sarahschmara is that really your full name? PDX is a commonly used nomenclature for the city in general.
5
retarded has multiple meanings, such as to delay or make slow. I grew up saying it and i'm damn well gonna keep saying it. fucking get over it already. i also use the term faggot and i absolutely adore gay/les people that use it as well. i'm also prone to calling myself a cracker or honkey, because i damn well love my first amendment right and use it to it's full extent. that being said, i discourage the use of these words in a hateful way and i'd never say them angrily. if i offend someone in public, i'm more than happy to defend myself in a fairly educated manner.
6
actually, dan's still using "tard," so that horse still has some life in it. (see recent "the tard supper" post in blogtown)

using "retarded" to mean slow is just fine in my book (like "that flat tire was retarding that car's progress"), but when it's only used in a disparaging manner, then, sure, I have a problem with it. that's not to say you're not free to use it, just that you should be aware that if somebody objects to that usage, maybe it's not up to YOU to decide if it's okay or not.

if a gay person called you on your use of the word "faggot", would you continue to use it around them? or would you make a consideration based on your relationship with that person and decide maybe your own intentions aren't worth the possible offense you're making?

(as for calling yourself a cracker or a honky, well, if you're a cracker or a honky, then it's your right to do so.... do you also call black people niggers, as they've reclaimed that word for themselves in some ways?)

ah, internet arguments, how fun!
7
HR doesn't want to make your workplace better all they want to do is keep the company from being sued. They will tell your coworker what you say and who said it, and if she is a savy one she will have already made up a story that casts anyone who talks to HR about her in a bad light, or worse yet you aren't the snow angel you just said you were and she will toss out some choice ones about your workplace behavior. I'd suggest any HR dealings be anonymous and only about things said in group situations, otherwise their investigation will be as much about you as about her.

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