Savage Love Oct 21, 2010 at 4:00 am

Self-Destruct Button

Comments

1
Woah, this advice is really abusive. This woman has been sexually assaulted and states that she has been traumatized. Calling her a "total shit" is causing her more trauma and minimizes the fact that her erratic behaviors are common to survivors suffering PTSD. Therapy would be a great idea for this woman, but if she is not ready to talk about it she should not be made to feel guilty about it. No one should impose their will on her again.....

Dan is a misogynist.
2
Nicole you so funny.

Dan's article is spot the fuck on, in this particular case. She's playing the victim card to gain and keep privileges. Her priorities are out of whack, therapy was what she needed a while back.

"she is not ready to talk about it she should not be made to feel guilty about it."
If she is not ready to talk about it she also shouldn't be sucking off another man? While she may think she's "healing" by doing this she might also be doing the exact opposite. In what world of sexual abuse is having sex with an uncommitted partner advised?

"No one should impose their will on her again....."
And by that the husband should walk if she continues to do this without therapy. The victim card isn't a get of of jail card.

Dan keep telling us where you are writing material from: absolutely fascinating!
3
Dan has a point with PTSD. He may have been a tad harsh, but PSTD really needs to get her butt into therapy. It sounds like she 'unconsciously' blames her husband for the attack since he consented to an open marriage which led up to the attack by the former partner.
4
Who are these people who have to fuck more than one person at a time, and still claim to be in a committed "marriage" or "relationship"? I call bullshit on all of this poly nonsense...
5
I was going to also disagree with Nicole, but [long string of characters and numbers] guy took care of it for me. Dan's first paragraph bottom lines the whole thing:

"I'm sorry that you were sexually assaulted—that's awful, PTSD, and I hope you went to the police and I hope you're pressing charges. But I also hope you know that being the victim of sexual assault is not a Get Out of Being a Human Being Free card."

If you were REALLY having PTSD, you wouldn't be having sex with your boyfriend and not your husband. To paraphrase, "Child, please!"

6
why doesn't PTSD just break up with her husband and stay with her "boyfriend"? And why the hell this lady gotta fuck all these dudes at once? knowhatimsayin?
7
I think "open relationships" are nothing more than narcissistic/sociopathic behavior disguised as a bunch of new age hippie bullshit. I have enjoyed sleeping with numerous people, when I considered myself single. I have no problems with monogomy when i'm in a relationship. If I do, i'm not with the right person. In an open relationship, someones usually being manipulated and used. If PTSD was so traumatized, she would have that reaction with all men. But the fact that she cringes at her husband and then kindly pleasures her boyfirend makes her a total lying manipulative piece of shit.
8
Tommy, there's actually a committed form of polyamory called polyfidelity, such as group marriage. Once you look past the norm of committed monogamy — which as we know, often turns out to be neither — you can see infinite varieties of *consensually* open relationships. "Opening Up" by Tristan Taormino is a good book on the subject if you're interested in opening at least your mind.
9
Ten Red, people are more complicated than your naive analysis allows for. I see no reason to doubt her account of what happened; only her motivations and priorities are questionable. On that, I agree with Dan and w9gMhnc4YRjBKdu_FF2ZkqcNwQcORt3FiMzi3kZ1zv7gk7qE_.

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