I thin, Dan, that you missed the point of SOCI's problem, and that is that his boyfriend was conducting these acts of "cyber infidelity" (an extreme term, agreed) secretly. Secret accounts suggest that his boyfriend was not nelly flirting with guys he could have IRL, but that he was flirting with the idea of arranging an encounter IRL, without the knowledge of his partner. Which is only a step away from infidelity and then not knowing your partner's sexual activities, whether they're safe or not. That he was caught before an actual encounter took place and therefore could pass all this off as innocent is bogus, and he's likely to create new accounts and be more careful to hide his activities. Also, that he expressed shame once he'd been found out is a huge red flag: he felt he did something wrong and was probably a step away from doing something wrong, and this behavior is not likely to end now that he's been caught. He'll likely be resentful of the snooping and daydreaming more often of NSA relations. I think SOCI should examine his own reaction, the snooping and the claim of his partner's "infidelity," but he should also seriously consider DTMFA.

In regard to your response to OVER, Dan, I think his panic is in regard to his romantic and sexual life, not his achievements. And the way you tell it almost seems to suggest that gay men are shallow before middle-age, and achievements in life are the result of aging and losing one's immaturity and sex appeal (or shallowness.)