Let's not say this: "...you're not obligated to sleep with anyone you don't find attractive." Let's say this instead: "You're not obligated to sleep with anyone you don't want to, ever."

I believe, and relate to, HISMOM's story. When my son was a toddler, before he could manage a thermometer under his tongue, he had his temperature taken rectally. He always got an erection. Sometimes he would fake (or exaggerate) an illness and beg me to take his temperature. And no, there was nothing sexual about how I did so. Luckily he didn't think to put other stuff in there without my supervision.

I believe HISMOM too. And definitely agree that a "fingers only" rule along with a "this is how we play with ourselves" talk is not only reasonable and responsible, its the right thing to do.

As to the subject of the other letters, I offer this phrase which is positive, inoffensive and covers just about any situation that could lead to an uncomfortable experience:

"Please be upfront and honest about your sexuality/gender"

Thanks Dan great column.