It may come as a surprise to many of our readers that vast volumes of people go through life quite happily without ever questioning their personal outlook or the veracity of those around them. Of course these gay folk are, in fact, deluding themselves. Think you're well adjusted, content, and secure? You may be, but chances are your friends secretly hate you. Want to be sure? Take this simple true/false quiz and find out. Good luck!
T F I didn't have acne as a teenager.
T F I thought those Pepsi Girl commercials were really cute.
T F I love my job.
T F I get paid well.
T F I drive a new VW Beetle.
T F It's yellow.
T F I can get by on four hours of sleep a night.
T F I was a cheerleader AND a national merit scholar.
T F My parents paid for my education.
T F My parents pay for my apartment.
T F I'm naturally athletic.
T F I consider Princess Diana a personal hero.
T F My hair is a natural, glossy blonde.
T F I volunteer at four soup kitchens.
T F I find time to read all the latest literature.
T F Sometimes I correct my friends' grammar.
T F Sometimes I correct my friends' pronunciation of small foreign countries.
T F Sometimes I correct my friends' personal relationship decisions.
T F I have 20/15 vision.
T F I can eat anything without gaining weight.
T F My "guilty pleasure" is cauliflower.
T F I am never jealous when my friends succeed.
T F I refuse to gossip.
T F My last name is Hilton.
Did you answer "true" to ten or more of the above? It is our opinion that your friends secretly hate you. People whose friends secretly hate them get along well with people whose parents secretly hate them and people whose co-workers secretly want them fired. People whose friends secretly hate them can make their friends hate them less by a) getting an unflattering haircut b) coming upon financial hardship c) getting dumped d) totaling the Beetle.