What About My Future?

Can't find a job? Considering law school? Looking into a handgun permit? Wait! Before you decide what to do with your life, take this easy multiple-choice quiz. This test is scientifically proven to determine once and for all what you should do with your life! Good luck!

I like to read:

A. 16th Century Belgian poetry.

B. The Anarchist's Cookbook.

C. My palm pilot.

D. "Ziggy with a Hat"

I look forward to:

A. Taking standardized tests!

B. Target practice!

C. Upgrading to Office XP!

D. Reruns of Frasier!

On special occasions, I wear:

A. A sweater vest.

B. A ski mask.

C. A suit.

D. Clean underpants.

If you and I were dating, I'd take you:

A. To hear Umberto Eco read at Powell's.

B. To fetish night at The Paris (I'd wear chaps).

C. To a professional breakfast mixer at The Benson.

D. To my parent's house to watch the four-disc Lord of the Rings DVD set.

If you and I were breaking up, I'd dump you:

A. In the biography section of the Multnomah County public library.

B. At visitor's day at the Multnomah County jail.

C. Halfway through my holiday office party.

D. Shortly after you dumped me.

If you answered mostly As, immediately apply to graduate school (specifically the humanities). If you answered mostly Bs, seriously explore embarking on a life of crime (hint: MAX train hold-ups). If you answered mostly Cs, you currently hold an office job and though you may think of leaving it, you never will, and are perfectly suited to the cube world you despise. If you answered mostly Ds, you are probably unemployed and will remain so until 2006, when you will become rich after inventing an environmentally friendly "organic balloon."