Shitty Taste In Clothes
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.
To The Dressing Room Pooper: What the hell is wrong with you, you incontinent old witch?! Your rocketing ass-geyser soaked our store's entire dressing room carpet!! And no, you did not make it any better at all by trying to cover it up with $200 worth of quality merchandise and bolting out the door. Do you think it was funny that you ruined merchandise and forced us to close the store so that we could clean up the contents of your stinking colon? (Not in my fucking job description, by the way.) Or maybe one of the side effects of that little intestinal problem is that it gives you shit for brains? Nobody in their right mind would hang out and go shopping, much less try on clothes
with that kind of diarrhea--but you did! Anybody else would be at home wearing a freakin' diaper. It's not as if none of us saw you--the memory of your face will last forever, combined with the smell of your shit. DEPENDS, lady! Don't leave home without them, or we won't be the only folks in town who can't stand you and the dirty, sick things that you doo.