St. Patty's is all about leprechauns, dancing the jig, expelling snakes, and drinking 'til you pass out—so it's just like every other day, right? WRONG! Check out these local events to make the most of this slightly dubious, eternally fun holiday (which lamely falls on a Monday; we'll tell you how to jumpstart it with a weekend of celebrations). NED LANNAMANN
FLOG—Molly can't catch a break with band names. She spent the '70s and '80s being impaled by Molly Hatchet. And there's no relief in sight; tonight Flogging Molly plays their Irish punk, and you can score your free ticket by going to the Jack Daniel's website. (Sure, JD ain't Irish whiskey, but who's complaining?)
w/the Runaway Boys; Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, Thurs March 13, 9 pm, FREE with ticket from www.jdstudiono7.com, 21+
BIG 'UN—Kells is ground zero for St. Patrick's Day celebrations in the Portland area, with a four-day Irish Festival that features two outdoor tents, pipers, dancers, Irish food, and more music than you can shake a shillelagh at, including a Sunday night performance by American Idol singer Josh Gracin. And for those of you who think St. Pat's is a religious holiday, a full-size replica of the giant Clonmacnoise Celtic Cross will be on display. Begorrah!
Kells, 112 SW 2nd, Fri March 14 through Mon March 17, $10-20 per day
RUN—Booze ain't your cup of, uh, booze? What are you, one of those fitness freaks? Luckily for you, the Shamrock Run, now in its 30th year, has 5K, 8K, and 15K runs, and a 3.5 "Shamrock Stride," so all levels of athleticism can participate. A portion of the proceeds goes to benefit OHSU's Doernbecher Children's Hospital.
Governor Tom McCall Waterfront Park, SW Naito between Stark & Oak, Sun March 16, 8 am, $19-29 entry fee
KISS IT—K.M.R.I.A. (short for Kiss My Royal Irish Ass) is a Pogues cover band featuring an assortment of local superstars, including Chris Funk and Jenny Conlee of the Decemberists, and singer Casey Neill. (Regular member Scott McCaughey won't be participating; he's on the road with some band called R.E.M.) Come on, it's the Pogues. What else are you going to want to listen to today?
w/My Life in Black and White; Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, Mon March 17, 9 pm, $10, 21+
HANDSOME—Do small children run away from you in terror? Well, St. Pat's is your lucky day, because you can enter Ash Street's Shane MacGowan lookalike contest and win valuable prizes! There's also a contest for the best Irish jig, live music, and plenty to drink.
w/Nodding Tree Remedies, Fenbi International Superstars, Ingredients; Ash Street Saloon, 225 SW Ash, Mon March 17, 8 pm, $5