johnroderick.jpgIf you don't make fun of our jugglers, sir, we won't make fun of your mustache. What's that? No deal?

Every week, John Roderick of the Long Winters writes a blog for Seattle Weekly, the lesser of Seattle's alt-weeklies. But don't hold that against him. In this week's blog, he talked about what Seattle can learn from its smaller, rosier sister in the south:

Before I start, let me just say that no one hates reading “What Seattle can learn from Portland” lectures more than me. Portland, despite its charm, has one thousand percent more mimes, jugglers, and crusty potters than any city outside of Germany, and this fact permanently disqualifies Portland from teaching any civics lessons or from standing as an example of responsible growth. Until they fumigate their city of all its jugglers it will only be possible to appreciate their example by piecemeal.

Still, it is an undeniably nice, small town, and all the more impressive for having formerly and in recent memory been a totally scary left-coast wreck. It was only a few years ago that you practically had to wade through junkie prostitutes just to get your chainmail fitted at the Renaissance smithery, and the only interesting thing about the city was the curious abundance of punk rock/hippy chicks who dressed like a cross between Minnie Pearl and Tank Girl that you could find nowhere else in the world. Except for Germany. Fast forward to now and it feels like an EPCOT center futureland, where people are home-brewing biodiesel from bat guano and kiwi fruit, plucking banjos made from old PC circuit boards, and eating nuclear waste and shitting out diamonds.

Read the full thing here.

The Long Winters play at the Wonder Ballroom on Thursday, July 3. Also appearing are Portland's own Builders and the Butchers. We don't know at this time if the mustache will also be making an appearance.