True story: My roommate's car was once stolen, and later recovered about a week later. Once back in his ride, my housemate found all sorts of things (bag of weed, Notorious B.I.G.'s Life After Death on CD) that were left by the thieves. I always thought this was an isolated incident, until James Brown (the van, not the hardest working man in show business) went missing last week.

"James Brown," the 1982 Ford Clubwagon used by the Tender Loving Empire crew was van-napped last week, yet mysteriously recovered a few days later. But when TLE's Jared Mees was reconnected with his faithful whip, he found some extra goodies inside:

He was only away for a few days and only went 6 blocks before he ran out of gas, but in that time, James Brown, our illustrious brown tour van was able to procure the following random items: (i.e. this is what the person who stole JB left in the van)
-1 necklace of "Volcanic amber from timbuktu"
-3 pairs of khaki slacks
-1 Arabic-English Dictionary
-1 Spanish-English Dictionary
-1 Black down vest
-1 scratched up copy of "Knocked Up"
-2 bags of rope
-1 book of photos of someone in the U.S. Navy
-2 random party photos of a half clothed girl
-1 box of "mexican candies"

A rope? A photo of half clothed girl?
Why is everyone looking at me?