I love country music. I love it for a million reasons (one of them being that, even today, it exists in a world completely without irony). Unfortunately, as you follow the history of country from the divine Hank Williams Sr. to the joyously irritating Hank Williams Jr. to the awful Hank Williams III, the grain of salt you have to take it all with gets so big that your tongue goes numb.

That said, I've recently been listening to Portland's 99.5 (The Wolf!) when I'm driving around and enjoyed the shit out of it. For months I've had a masochistic obsession with trying to find the worst modern pop-country song out there and in September I was sure that it was Trace Adkins' "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" in a walk. But if there's anything Americans are great at, it's outdoing ourselves. This new Toby Keith song, "American Ride," (Remember? He put out that anthem about America putting it's boot in someone's ass after 9/11?) is really the crème de la crème of mind-melting awfulness. It attempts to list all the reasons you should be ashamed to live in the USA and touts them as reasons America rocks. It's really your duty as an American to watch this:

It's like the worst episode of South Park ever. For extra credit read the scary comments (sample: "This video is a lot like the U.S. and i am scared becouse a mexican may be outside my window looking for a place to sleep") underneath the YouTube hosted video. Nobody seems particularly shocked that the only people of color in the video are the armed terrorist, Barack Obama riding a wave of Wall Street investors, and all the sombrero-wearing Mexicans rushing across the border).

That's us! That's right!