Magnum Condoms are throwing a rap contest. That's right, rhyme about the "magnum lifestyle," while of course mentioning the condoms and you could win cash and a bunch of other crap. Magnum is even offering the backing tracks.

Now, set aside for a moment how unintentionally hilarious some of the submissions are bound to be. Set that aside for a moment and realize that this dude, were he ever to actually have sex, would need a magnum:

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Magnum lifestyle indeed. Mom's basement, mid-30's, Warcraft blogger. Come to think of it, world's biggest penis man is unemployed. Maybe he should write the rap?

And if anyone else wants to write it for him, well, I'd certainly consider posting it here.