Robert Palmer: I may feel slightly sad, but I wont cry.
  • Robert Palmer: I may feel slightly sad, but I won't cry.

Dear Robert Palmer, I'm really sorry that you died at age 54 of a heart attack. I'm also sorry that there was a bitter dispute over your $46 million estate between your children and your girlfriend from Ohio, whom you met while she was a waitress in California. Though you must admit that it was rather nice of Tina Turner to cover "Addicted To Love" as a tribute. But about that song, why did you write it? It essentially ruined 1986 for me, as I spent most of that year glued to MTV and had to change the channel to The Last Dragon on Cinemax each time your execrable video appeared. And all of those geisha/Patrick Nagel women, how were they supposed to shape my idea of females as a teenager? Also, about the line in "Simply Irresistible" that goes, "she's so fine, there's no telling where the money went", how is that supposed to make me feeling about trusting other people? Good looking people can just take your money? And even before that, you were trying to ruin Duran Duran by taking the best members and covering T. Rex songs? You know, I take it back, Robert Palmer. UNHAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.