Hey there, music lovers, festival goers, and those too good to get out of the city this weekend. Have I got a treat for you! I have gone to Sasquatch multiple times, done it and done it well. Now at the precious age of 22, I'm just feeling too old* and broke for that shit. (RIP, college days.) But I realized there are a lot of bands playing the Gorge that are coming here this weekend as well. So many, in fact, that it could be its own goddamn festival. Now it is.

[Editor's note: 22? Boo friggin' hoo.]

So, ladies and gents, I give you Portsquatch, a full week of various shows on various sides of the river. You might say that's a smaller list than Sasquatch. Well, yeah, BUT with Portsquatch you are awarded the luxury of showering, fully stocked bars, cigarettes that DON'T cost $9 a pack, the ability to actually see the artist, not ruining your expensive Free People outfit or losing your Ray-Bans, and oh, YOU'RE IN THE CITY.

Take a look at our specially prepared Portsquatch lineup after the jump!

Thursday, May 24
Starfucker, Unknown Mortal Orchestra - Branx
Tycho, Active Child, Lord Huron - Doug Fir

Friday, May 25
Here We Go Magic, Hospitality - Bunk Bar
Deer Tick - Mission Theater
Grouplove, Reptar - Star Theater
Spiritualized - Wonder Ballroom
Coeur de Pirate - Doug Fir
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Mississippi Studios

Saturday, May 26
John Reilly and Friends - Aladdin Theater
Mark Lanegan Band, Sean Wheeler & Zander Schloss - Wonder Ballroom

Sunday, May 27
Kurt Vile and the Violators - Star Theater
Alabama Shakes - RoZone at the Rose Festival
Dum Dum Girls, Young Prisms - Doug Fir
Electric Guest - Mississippi Studios
The Sights - Langano Lounge

Monday, May 28
Nick Waterhouse (he's not even playing Sasquatch BUT should be) - Holocene
Dry the River - Doug Fir

Tuesday, May 29
Ben Howard - Wonder Ballroom
fun. - Roseland
Gold Leaves - Mississippi Studios

Wednesday, May 30
Mogwai - Wonder Ballroom
Cass McCombs Band - Mississippi Studios
Gardens and Villa - Holocene
Poor Moon - Doug Fir

NOW enjoy your Memorial Day weekend. Be more responsible here then you would be at the Gorge. (Shouldn't be too hard.) Party on.