Remember that movie-musical Once, starring the Frames' frontman/sweetheart/baby cheeks/widdle ickle cutesybottom Glen Hansard? I wish I didn't: Once was too much. It introduced me to a world of saccharine Irish vanilla-rock that made me a little ashamed of my people for a minute. First I thought things couldn't get any worse than the sanctimony of latter-day Bono. Then there was Boyzone—that had to be the nadir, right? WRONG! Hansard might be a saint in person, but he sings like a sensitive beardo in some college dorm room trying to make the girls swoon with his Sarah McLachlan impression. "I don't know you, but I want you/All the more for that/Words fall through me and always fool me/And I can't react." Please. Spare us. BRENDAN KILEY
128 NE Russell, Portland, OR 97212
Hours: Ballroom open for events only, Cafe open: Tues-Sat 5 pm-"late"