I could start on the cover and finish on the back page of this very paper and I'd still not have enough room to make my case against the Portland Music Awards. Here's the heavily abridged version: If you care about Portland music in any form, do not set foot inside the Crystal Ballroom tonight. The Portland Music Awards are an absolute con—there are Nigerian email schemes more trustworthy—masterminded by the clownish voice of failed rag Music Spectator, Craig Marquardo. One-time headliners Smash Mouth (not local) seemed to have vanished from the bill, meaning that even the worst band on the planet was embarrassed to be a part of this atrocity. While some musicians are blinded by the gilded veneer of a possible award for their talents—it's true, being a musician can be tough—the Portland Music Awards are not the answer. Do it because you love it, not for the opportunity to take home a useless trophy from some bullshit award show with zero credibility. EZRA ACE CARAEFF
1332 W Burnside, Portland, OR 97209
Hours: Doors usually open an hour before show time.