$200 IN A BAG!
To prove how much we love you, the Mercury is auctioning off a bag filled with money: $200 to be exact! That's right—200 bucks CASH goes to the highest bidder... whether they've bid 99 cents, $120, or $327! (Remember! Anything going over $200 goes to charity, so at least consider being generous!) Just think of all you could do with $200: purchase a pair of really expensive jeans, pay off your student loans, buy off a corrupt cop, fly to Vegas, or constantly remind your friends that you own a bag filled with 200 dollars! WOW! With a bag of 200 dollars, the world is truly your oyster!
A VISIT FROM DRUNKEN SANTA
Remember what it was like when you were a kid and every Christmas your dad dressed up like Santa? Usually after downing a little too much "holiday cheer"? Well, now you can relive the happiest moments of your life when the Mercury's own (probably drunk) Zach Hull pays a visit to your holiday party—complete with elf in tow—to deliver "special gifts." And by "special gifts," we mean cases of beer from PYRAMID BREWING, and not "vomit in your stocking." Fun!
GO SPEED RACER
Indulge the motorcycle fantasies of someone this Christmas with this fantastic, fun, high-octane gift! The lucky recipient will get to spend an afternoon at the Portland International Raceway riding shotgun (AKA clinging white-knuckled for your life) on the back of the local motorcycle dudes from the SANG-FROID RIDING CLUB (sang-froidridingclub.com)! Be advised, however: These guys go fast! Probably not a great gift idea for the faint of heart, but a fantastic present for that special thrill seeker on your list! This is guaranteed to be a day that they (or you!) will never forget.
Be the envy of comic book fans everywhere! BRIAN K. VAUGHAN, one of the best writers around, has donated a signed copy of his hardcover graphic novel Pride of Baghdad—along with signed copies of his acclaimed comics series Ex Machina: The First Hundred Days and Y: The Last Man: Kimono Dragons. (To help you get caught up, you'll also get copies of all seven previous trade paperbacks of Y!) And since you won't be able to put these books down, it's a good thing FOUNDATION GARMENTS (2712 NE Alberta) is tossing in a hot and attractive hydro bag to carry them in! APPROXIMATE VALUE: $210
NIGHT LIGHT NIGHT OUT
Love throwing parties, but don't have the space that a blow-out necessitates? Problem solved, because you can have your next bash at the NIGHT LIGHT LOUNGE (2100 SE Clinton). That's right, win this auction item, and the hipper-than-hip Night Light will host your 40 person party in their exclusive private back room, complete with snacks and even a champagne toast! Play on, playa! PLAY ON!
You could spend a billion dollars on the finest, hottest threads in the world—but if you forget to accessorize, you'll still look something the vanilla ice cream factory belched out. Luckily, getting hip is easy-peasy with this fab-o package—a fashionable ladies hat and jacket from the fine folks at BLUE BOUTIQUE (3753 N Mississippi) and two (TWO!) adorable felt/vinyl handbags from local handmade biz ROSIE RO DESIGNS (rosiero.net).
The casual yet elegant SUBROSA (2601 SE Clinton) is a great place for a date—so why not make it a double? This perfect double-date package includes dinner for four at Subrosa, and two pairs of tickets from MIKE T HRASHER PRESENTS (mikethrasherpresents.com). Sup on Subrosa's simple Italian fare while sipping red wine and talking about world affairs, then strap on your party hat for some serious rock at the SHOW. (Which show you see all depends on your tastes, and the time at which you choose to cash in, but you'll love it, of course!)
Is the world not showing your pussy enough respect? Do people laugh at your be-sweatered pooch at the dog park? It's time to let Mike Woolridge of PETS IN UNIFORM (petsinuniform.com) show everyone your pet is not to be taken lightly. Choose from a variety of military uniforms (including an astronaut!) and Pets in Uniform will convert your favorite picture of your pet into a commanding presence in portrait, thereby recruiting your sweet'ums into the army of everyone's heart. Then we'll put the picture on the cover of the Mercury. We guarantee they'll be saluting Mr. Fluffybottom all over town.
So your New Year's Resolution is to score a bunch of lovin' in 2007, huh? Well, then—this is the package for you. Skateboarders are hot. Impress all the honeys with your sweet moves on your new complete skateboard (including Spitfire wheels and Independent trucks) from SHRUNKEN HEAD SKATEBOARDS (531 SE Morrison)—the "PDX skateboard shop run by skateboarders for skateboarders." To make sure you're looking your best while riding around town, you'll also receive a year's worth of haircuts from the talented, fun and always generous BISHOPS BARBERSHOPS (five Portland locations, bishopsbs.com).
SAUCEY DANCE LESSONS
The ladies of SAUCE, the dance team who swept the Mercury's annual Pizzazz! talent show in '05, also teach dance classes, from striptease to hiphop, at VEGA DANCE + LAB (1322 SE Water). This auction item includes four sets of 12 classes, so you can either use all 48 yourself, or split them up among your cohorts so all of you will be looking good at the clubs. Print out the current schedule from their website (vegadancelab.com) and discuss it over dinner, because this also comes with a $25 gift certificate to the GREEK CUSINA (404 SW Washington), which serves up super scrummy Greek food like calamari, spanakopita, and so much more.
Are you a budding chef, sir? A cook or commis? Well, bon appetit! This is the package for you. Imagine, starting your day with a cuppa' tea from a top-of-the-line glass teapot courtesy of TEA CHI TE (734 NW 23rd, 2nd floor), then enjoying an hour's private lesson tempering chocolates with SAHAGÚN owner and Juliette Binoche look-alike Elizabeth Montes, then get drunk courtesy of a wine- and mead-making class from TRACKERS NW (trackersnw.com, 21+ only), before heading home and roasting up a few vegetables thanks to three deliveries from the magic PIONEER ORGANICS (pioneerorganics.com). It's enough to make you cry delicious, sweet tears of joy! APPROXIMATE VALUE: A TASTY $400