AN EVENING OF DINNER AND POLITICS WITH RANDY LEONARD
Sam Adams may be city council's fireball of energy, Erik Sten the too-smart-for-his-britches wunderkind, and Dan Saltzman the—uhhhhh—parks commissioner, but COMMISSIONER RANDY LEONARD is easily the most down-to-earth, personable, guy-you-want-to-have-a-beer-with dude in local politics. And he's done it all—state legislator, fireman, union leader, and, now, city commissioner. A $50 gift certificate from Jamaican fave MONTEGO BAY (1239 SW Jefferson) gets dinner for you and the commish, where you can talk city politics, biofuel production as an economic development tool, or how great it is to be Randy Leonard.
DINNER FOR 20
Mmmm, baby, it's cold outside, so now's a great time to let the wondrous Acme heat it up in style. Enjoy a scrumptious dinner for you and 19 of your closest friends at ACME FOOD AND DRINK (1305 SE 8th), where you'll especially enjoy the new patio fireplace. Or, snuggle close in a cozy booth inside beneath ski lodge-esque wood paneling. Being surrounded by your nearest and dearest and Acme's beef brisket and mac 'n' cheese sounds like the perfect winter remedy.
Want to impersonate a cop? Easy. Buy yourself a uniform online, start making "woop woop" noises like a siren while driving around in your "police car," and definitely make the experience authentic by consuming free VOODOO DOUGHNUTS (22 SW 3rd) for a year and a pound of coffee every month for a year from Space Monkey (5511 SE 72nd)! What's that? You got fat? You good for nothing... You've got to be tough to be a cop! I command you to work it off on a jog with Police Chief Rosie Sizer! She, doubtless, is better at this "cop" lark than you are, and will only be too pleased to offer some tips—or arrest you. APPROXIMATE VALUE: $400.
SOAPBOX DERBY FREE ENTRY!
Like many other Portlanders, you probably want to enter next year's 12th annual Mercury-sponsored ADULT SOAPBOX DERBY on Mount Tabor. Well, what makes you so special?! HUH? Last year, only 42 cars were allowed into the race—and those spots filled up in 15 minutes! People lined up at 2 am to sign up, and there was a waiting list of 30 cars clamoring to pay the $100 entry fee. But don't worry: This is America! Why pay a tramp to stand in line for you, when you can simply BRIBE US TO GET IN? That's right, an automatic no-hassle entry into the Soapbox Derby. You might want to build a car, though.
LET'S GO SEATTLE
Need a break from good ol' P-Town? Hop up to Seattle, where a lovely night at the ACE HOTEL (acehotel.com)—the bustling Belltown neighborhood's sleekest and hippest boutique hotel—awaits you and a guest. Before you hit the sack (or take advantage of your room's copy of the Kama Sutra!), head out to enjoy the city, with tickets for two to any show at The Showbox during 2007!
SO YOU WANT TO BE A STRIPPER
Hey, who hasn't fantasized about having people throw money at their beautiful body? Make it even more beautiful (as if that's even possible, pshaw!) with eight pole-dancing or Pilates classes at CORE ESSENCE (1028 SE Water), where you will become toned, strong, and flexible (and if you opt for pole dancing, you'll be aces in high heels). Then it's time for some research: Portland's beloved strip queen, VIVA LAS VEGAS, will personally take you on a tour of the town's best strip clubs (with money for drinks and tips included!).
YOU DESIGN THE MERCURY COVER!
The cover of the Portland Mercury is seen by roughly a bazillion people every day. So just imagine the power you would wield if you could design the cover for one issue! Maybe you're an unappreciated artist, who wants to show off his/her work. Maybe you want to propose to your sweetie, and let everyone know. Maybe you want to wish your grandma a happy birthday. Maybe you are a band who wants to advertise an upcoming show. WE HAVE NO IDEA, BECAUSE WE'RE NOT YOU. But we bet you have a great idea for a cover, and you'll even receive a helping hand from Mercury Art Director Demo Fregosi! Bid, win, and get noticed!
PORTRAIT SESSION WITH ANN PLOEGER
Let's face it: That old-ass picture of you standing in front of some photographer's crumpled background isn't really cutting the mustard anymore. Neither is that one of you and your sweetie that you took with your camera phone at arm's length. That's why we're sending photographer extraordinaire ANN PLOEGER (annploeger.com) to help you out. Win this package, and Ploeger, whose lively, tons-o-fun portraits have graced countless galleries, publications, and advertisements, will create an amazing portrait of you, your family, or whatever else you need portrait-ized.
Learn how to be silent and invisible from the pros at TRACKERS NW (trackersnw.com). They'll teach you how to sink into the scenery, giving you the advantage should you ever need to hunt, run away from it all, or survive in a post-apocalyptic wasteland (what?). You'll be just like a ninja of the forest, understanding bird languages and edible plants, slathering yourself with camouflaging mud paste, and building houses out of sticks! Then, when you feel like coming out of hiding and having some company, head up to MT. BACHELOR (mtbachelor.com) with the two lift tickets included in this item, and play in the snow! That's what snow is for!
BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR 20
When was the last time you went to an ice cream social? When you were seven? Eight? Remember the laughter, the fun, the sharing of ice cream and smiles? Well, now's your chance to relive those special memories. Adorable downtown soda fountain BLUE PLATE (308 SW Washington) is offering an ice cream social or birthday party for 20 lucky campers. Blue Plate makes a mean chocolate malted, not to mention classic ice cream sundaes and banana splits. Plus 40 game tokens each for 20 people to ELECTRIC CASTLES WUNDERLAND (5 locations). Win the party for your kid and 19 of his best friends, and make little Johnny the most popular kid on the block—or say screw little Johnny, and invite 19 of your favorite strippers. APPROXIMATE VALUE: A ton of fun!
Let RUBY VIOLET SKIN, BODY AND SPIRIT (2641 NE Alberta) ease away your stress with a series of facials and/or massages worth $250. Firm believers in natural and organic products, the experts at Ruby Violet will bring a full spectrum of personalized care to your spa experience. And with a gift box from LUSH (803 NW 23rd), bearers of fresh, handmade beauty products, you can take the joy of the spa home with you.