UPDATE! THE MERCURY ONLINE CHARITY AUCTION IS NOW OVER. THANKS FOR ALL OF YOUR GENEROUS BIDS!
DONT PANIC! We know you've been worrying your pretty little head about what to get your loved ones this holiday season. And once again, the Mercury has solved ALL your problems, because you can give (or get) a truly one-of-a-kind gift with the Mercury's Online Charity Auction! PLUS! All the proceeds go to RESOLUTIONS NORTHWEST, a deserving and often overlooked charity—based right here in Portland!
Here's how the auction works:
• Check out the following pages and pick the items you like best.
• Locate your preferred item, and click the link below it. This will take you to the item's home on eBay.
• Bid on your present, and check in regularly to make sure you still have the highest bid. Please be generous!
• Bidding starts NOW and ends on Friday, December 15th at 5 pm.
The winners will be notified immediately, and you can pick up your prize in plenty of time for Christmas!
And don't forget! ALL the proceeds from this year's auction will go directly to RESOLUTIONS NORTHWEST, a local nonprofit that's bringing about true "peace on earth" by helping teens, adults, and neighbors achieve conflict resolution—instead of taking it to the court system.
SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Bid on the gift of a lifetime NOW!
DINNER & A MOVIE WITH DAN SAVAGE
Not only is DAN SAVAGE an award-winning author and nationally syndicated sex columnist, but he's also a world-renowned conversationalist and smooth operator. You can discover this for yourself when Dan takes you out for a glamorous evening on the town that includes a movie of your choice and a long, delicious dinner at PASTINI PASTERIA (all three locations). Whether you want to talk sexual politics in the Santorum era, or discuss how to finally introduce your lover to that strap-on you've been hiding, you'll never have a better chance than when Dan Savage is on your arm all evening long. APPROXIMATE VALUE: PRICELESS
I WANNA BE A ROCKSTAR
The fame! The glory! (And most importantly...) THE GROUPIES! It could all be yours if you win this "rock star" package including an autographed bass guitar from hot PDX performer and finalist on CBS' Rock Star: Supernova, STORM LARGE! And what semi-respectable rock star doesn't have tats? Get an hour's worth of tattoo work and one piercing from the awesome PRIMITIVE URGE TATTOOING (4207 NE Prescott). But there's more! You and/or your band will be featured in a Mercury podcast episode—or if you'd rather—DJ your own podcast! After all... you're the rock star!
PABST BLUE RIBBON CRUISER BIKE
Wow! Be the hottest bicycle-riding guy or gal in town with this super-deluxe PABST BLUE RIBBON cruiser bike. You'll also receive a service package (one tune-up and $25 in parts) from the great folks at RIVER CITY BIKES (706 SE MLK). Get on your bike and ride!
A YEAR OF BLACKBIRD SHOWS
Chantelle Hylton from BLACKBIRD PRESENTS is notorious for putting on many of the very best shows in town! Not only does Chantelle have impeccable taste, she's also intensely generous. Bid successfully for this one and you will get into every single Blackbird Presents show for the entire calendar year of 2007! Too good to be true, right? Nope, that's just how awesome Chantelle is.
APPROXIMATE VALUE: SOMETHING TOTALLY STAGGERING!
A DATE WITH THE MERCURY GIRLS
Yowza! The steamy Portland Mercury offices are bursting with hot ladies... and now all of 'em can be all yours! Win this night out with the MERCURY WOMEN and you'll be stunned by their good looks! Smitten with their charming banter! Allured by their alluring allure! In other words, this will probably be the best night of your whole life—so don't wait any longer! Bid now!
**revised item** GASP...ebay deleted our "Date with the Mercury Girls" because of it's explicit nature!!! But now it's back and totally family friendly!!! So, let's restart the bidding for a wonderful night out with all of the ladies from the Mercury!! Sorry for any inconvenience!
This auction will now last until Saturday evening
A DATE WITH THE MERCURY BOYS
When it comes to sizzlin' slabs of man meat, the MEN OF THE PORTLAND MERCURY can't be beat! With these guys, you'll get it all—clever double entendres, smoldering good looks, a few dirty jokes, and maybe—if you're lucky—a hickey or two! They've always been the sex symbols of Portland, and now the beefcake Mercury men can be yours! Don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime chance to take a big, delicious bite of Mercury man candy!*
*Male employees of the Willamette Week are not eligible to bid on this item.
HOME IMPROVEMENTDo you have a wall in your house that's violating your fragile sensibilities? Let the fabulous experts at DESIGN YOUR WALL (designyourwall.com) pretty up your problem. You might have seen their work on Extreme Home Makeover or just check 'em out at designyourwall.com. You'll be able to design your own wallpaper or choose from the awesome selection of wallpaper designs in their custom digital, custom mural, or custom vintage collections. And it will cover a 64-square-foot wall of your house. Damn, that's going to look good. APPROXIMATE VALUE: $416
**While designyourwall.com offers a wide range of options, this auction item applies specifically to the varieties listed here—not to the entire range, as was implied in the print edition of this auction item's description.