MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING 2 Pictured above: ANTICS!

IN THIS FOLLOW-UP to an immensely popular film that hit on all of your basest emotions without ever being great, a dramatic family with a hellish past faces off with new and old foes before ultimately being put in line by a bossy lady with some badass tools.

Did you think I was talking about Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice? NOPE! I'm talking about My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2! It's just as pointless as yet another superhero movie, except it's got Joey Fatone, John Stamos, and everybody else who was in the first movie. Oh, and baklava!

MBFGW2 has nearly identical pacing as the original, which came out almost 15 years ago. Which may raise the question: Why? To which I answer: Money? Toula (Nia Vardalos) is obviously no longer a travel agent, because it's 2016. She's back at the family restaurant, still totally codependent on her noisy, nosy family, and she and Aidan from Sex and the City (always Aidan) have a teenage daughter of their own. Thankfully, the film does not offer a child bride plot, and instead the new wedding (obviously there's a wedding!) is for Toula's parents, who discover they were never legally married 50 years ago.

Along the way: ANTICS! Painfully dumb and contrived antics that'll make you roll your eyes until eventually your eyes stop working, and by the time everybody is up dancing in a circle and yelling "OPA!" you might even crack a smile. Because while this movie isn't good, its saccharine heart can't be chewed up and spit out, because it's stuck to your teeth, and you just have to sit there and taste it for as long as it takes to wear off. There isn't a single chiseled jawline like you'd get with the men of bats and steel, but that other idiot sequel probably doesn't have any dancing circles or a single reference to baklava, so there.