CRIMINAL There isn’t a SINGLE boat chase!

CRIMINAL IS THE ANSWER to a question no one asked: "What if someone took the basic plot of Face/Off and made a dour espionage thriller out of it?" The obvious problem is that Face/Off is not remembered fondly for its plot, as it is a film in which a good man and a bad man switch bodies via super-science and experience life on the other side of the law. No, Face/Off is remembered for its gold-plated hand-cannons, its multi-stage boat chase, and two of the finest hams in cinema history devouring the scenery like those giant machines that dig subway lines. Criminal has none of those things. There isn't a SINGLE boat chase.

The good man this time out is hipster CIA spy Ryan Reynolds, and the bad man is murderous sociopath Kevin Costner (clearly relishing a change of pace). When Reynolds is almost immediately killed because he sucks at being a spy (dude gives out his home phone number a lot), it's up to brilliant neurosurgeon Tommy Lee Jones (sure, why not!) to implant Reynolds' memories into Costner's body.

What follows suffers from a fairly muddled airport novel techno-espionage plot (a "wormhole" got into the "deep web") and a heavy Tom Clancy filter: All the guns have the right number of bullets and hardly anything explodes in a shower of sparks. All this realism is spent in the service of a fairly silly plot.

To be fair, there are some clever bits, and few well-staged action sequences—but also to be fair, there's a really uncomfortable scene of sexualized violence where Costner breaks into his brain-buddy's old house and duct-tapes his widow (a wasted Gal Gadot) to her bed. You burn a lot of my goodwill with junk like that. Face/Off was, if nothing else, an enjoyable mess. Criminal is just the regular kind.