Beauty and the Beast
With this live-action Beauty and the Beast, French director Christophe Gans (Silent Hill, Brotherhood of the Wolf) has orchestrated yet another feat of astonishing special effects. But instead of werewolves or monsters, these CGI visuals are flowers, flower-covered castles, and flowers on fucking everything. It’s like a Rococo rose barf on the big screen. Vincent Cassel does such a great job playing the threatening, transformed prince that the film essentially skips the part of the story where Léa Seydoux could believably fall in love with him. This is not a feminist film, and with all the giants stomping on people, I’d say it isn’t for kids either. Rather, it’s for adults who know that romance has no relationship to reality, and who want to see something pretty anyway. SUZETTE SMITH Fox Tower 10.
Beavis and Butt-Head Do America
Before Idiocracy and Silicon Valley, Mike Judge blessed us with a different fable about our fine nation: Beavis and Butt-Head Do America, in which the titular (heh heh) duo embark upon a noble quest to find their stolen TV. This brilliant film features (1) Cornholio crashing a plane, (2) Butt-Head facing off against the ATF, and (3) Bill Clinton. Until the end of time, this motion picture shall be heralded as an undisputed classic. ERIK HENRIKSEN Academy Theater.
A REAL HUMAN BEING AND A REAL HERO REAL HUMAN BEING AND A REAL HERO REAL HUMAN BEING AND A REAL HERO REAL HU Laurelhurst Theater.
Drive-in at Zidell Yards
You know that place under the Ross Island Bridge where no one ever goes? Well, the NW Film Center is showing some movies down there! Park your car, bring a chair or a blanket, and pay in cash to see The Big Lebowski (Thurs Sept 22), Goldfinger (Fri Sept 23), Space Jam (Sat Sept 24), Say Anything (Sun Sept 25), and Cool Hand Luke (Mon Sept 26). More at nwfilm.org. Zidell Yards.
Fall Science Fiction Silent Movie Series: Metropolis
The Hollywood Theatre’s latest throwback series presents Fritz Lang’s groundbreaking, highly-influential, and still kinda relevant Metropolis, with live musical accompaniment by Dean Lemire on the organ. Hollywood Theatre.
Grindhouse Film Festival: Dolemite
“Way down in the jungle deep, the badass lion stepped on the signifying monkey’s feet. The monkey said, ‘Motherfucker can’t you see? You’re standing on my goddamn feet.’” Hollywood Theatre.
See review, this issue. Fox Tower 10.
My Blind Brother
Though it sometimes feels like a sketch stretched into a feature, My Blind Brother has a few excellent things going for it, namely its cast (Nick Kroll, Adam Scott, and the always wonderful Jenny Slate) and a plot focusing on a love triangle between the three—a triangle that’s both impeded and enabled by the fact that Robbie (Scott) can’t always tell what’s going on. Because he’s blind. BUT DON’T WORRY: Writer/director Sophie Goodhart’s low-key movie isn’t blindsploitation (that’s a thing, right?), taking care to note how being blind is far from Bill’s only distinguishing characteristic (he also, it turns out, is kind of a prick). Thanks in large part to Slate and Kroll, My Blind Brother ends up being equal parts sweet and awkward, and Goodhart captures the strange, earnest awkwardness that can come from both romantic and family relationships. ERIK HENRIKSEN Cinema 21, On Demand.
Oregon Independent Film Festival
With screenings in Eugene and Portland, the Oregon Independent Film Festival offers shorts, web series, features, and documentaries, including sci-fi throwback Neil Stryker and the Tyrant of Time and Sowelu Theater’s drama The Lower Rooms. Alongside a slew of low-budget “new and truly independent films,” there are screenings of Rocky Horror and Nicolas Winding Refn’s The Neon Demon. Given the scattershot programming, attendees might want to weigh their options in advance; more at oregonindependentfilmfest.com. ERIK HENRIKSEN Clinton Street Theater.
Phantasm superfan J.J. Abrams (he named Gwendoline Christie’s character in The Force Awakens after the film) marshaled the forces of his Bad Robot production company to produce this digital restoration of Don Coscarelli’s 1979 horror classic, about a tall old man who lives in a small Oregon town and keeps a really pissed off snitch as a flying, murderous pet. So far as free-floating low-budget sweaty nightmares go, this is one of the most potent. See Film, this issue. Hollywood Theatre.
Re-run Theater: Hippies in Space
The Hollywood’s ongoing celebration of classic television. This month: An episode of Star Trek (the one where Spock plays a harp) is paired with an episode of Space: 1999 (the one where the crew lands on a giant acid trip), both of which embrace the sort of hopefully optimistic, ridiculously idealistic, and goofy-as-fuck aesthetic that would never fly in today’s sci-fi landscape but was absolutely required to push the genre into the mindbending areas it needed to occupy. Featuring some of Madison Avenue’s best/worst attempts at tapping into the counterculture market playing during commercial breaks. BOBBY ROBERTS Hollywood Theatre.
A stork transports the first stork-delivered baby in a very long time because babies come from fucking, not from freaky-looking birds operating some baby-making contraption on a mountain somewhere. This animated kids’ flick was written and co-directed by Nicholas Stoller (Forgetting Sarah Marshall) so it could be pretty clever and funny, but we didn’t review it, so you’re on your own. Various Theaters.
MEANS WE RECOMMEND IT. Theater locations are accurate Friday, September 23-Thursday, September 29, unless otherwise noted. Movie times are updated daily and are available here.