15 Minutes
Robert DeNiro demonstrates how much time someone will waste if you give them enough money in this derivative film about the influence of the media on the criminal justice system. Avalon , Laurelhurst Theater

* 2000 Student Academy Awards Jurying
A viewing of the top entries from film students in nine different states, in a variety of formats. And it's free! Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater

Along Came a Spider
Morgan Freeman's continued effort to prove he is smarter than the criminally insane is explored once again in this latest thriller. (Collect all 12!) Century Eastport 16, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Sherwood 10, Tigard Cinemas, Wilsonville, 82nd Avenue, Broadway Metroplex, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Hilltop, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Vancouver Plaza , Westgate

The American Astronaut
A space trader roams through the universe unaware that an old enemy is trying to kill him in this sci-fi musical. Hollywood Theatre

* Amores Perros
A magnificent new work from Mexican cinema. See review this issue. Cinema 21

* Before Night Falls
The real-life story of Cuban writer Reynaldo Arenas, from his childhood in Cuba, to joining Fidel Castro's revolutionaries, to later being persecuted for homosexuality. A politcal film which centers on one man's loneliness. Koin Center

* Best In Show
Christopher Guest's latest with Eugene Levy follows several dog owners on their quest for the blue ribbon at the 2000 Mayflower Kennel Club Dog Show. A well-executed, ridiculous little film lovingly mining ridiculous little people's ridiculous little lives. Laurelhurst Theater, Mission Theater

* Bike-In Theatre
On Sundays, from sundown until midnight, the fabulously scrappy art pranksters at P.S. What? will open the side of their house-llery for anybody with a bike to ride in and watch films. This week, the guys are showing (or at least thinking about showing) Rubin & Ed , a wacked movie about Crispin Glover and Howard Hesseman bonding in Death Valley after being led astray from their journey to find the perfect headstone for a dearly departed pet. It's a great film with Crispin Glover at his Crispin Glover-iest, especially while toting a frozen cat corpse around a desert. Of course, it eventually melts. (Julianne Shepherd) P.S., What?

Pee-Wee Herman (Paul Reubens) makes another comeback attempt in this cocaine thriller, in which he plays a gay drug dealer. Oh yeah, Johnny Depp is in it, too. 82nd Avenue, Broadway Metroplex, Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lake Twin Cinema, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Sherwood 10, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Wilsonville

Bridget Jones's Diary
Bridget Jones is a cow. She desires a boyfriend, so she sets her sights on the office cad (Hugh Grant), and then moans when he dumps her. Why do we keep coming back to these romantic comedies? Is it that we secretly hope the Jerk will change into a Good Guy so we can justify our bad choices in life? Is the office cad actually a misunderstood prince? Does this ever happen in real life? Fuck no. And I've got a long line of sisters who can back me up on that. The very same sisters who'll be standing next to me in the ticket line when the next romantic comedy comes along. (Kathleen Wilson) 82nd Avenue, Broadway Metroplex, Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Sherwood 10, Tigard Cinemas

The Brothers
The Brothers is a coming-of-age comedy/drama about four successful young black men coming to terms with commitment and adult relationships--a sort of Waiting to Exhale for men. I'm a brother myself. And I learned on BET the other night that although the average life expectancy in America is 80 years, the life expectancy of a black man in America is 57 years. So if I do the math right, whereas this movie is two hours of insignificance in Whitey's run time, it's damn near three hours of Black time disappeared from my life. I will, however, vindicate this film, if only because seeing four black men in the same place at the same time is such a novelty in the Northwest. (Kudzai Mudede) Lloyd Mall

Cast Away
Have you seen the trailer for this movie? Then you have seen the ENTIRE movie, from opening to final shot. (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Avalon , Bagdad Theater, Laurelhurst Theater

Caveman's Valentine
Caveman's Valentine is about a madman named Romulus Ledbetter (Samuel L. Jackson) who lives in a cave in Central Park. A classical whodunit, set in the decadent sphere of New York's art elite. The process of solving a murder mystery leads not only to the person who committed the murder, but more importantly to a warm, glowing place where the mad father is finally forgiven by his bitter daughter. (Charles Mudede) City Center 12, Hollywood Theatre

Today I'm not weak. The film critic in me has control over my emotions; it can and will repress my wolflike desire to fill this review with hungry words that praise the celestial beauty of Juliette Binoche. That being said, the movie itself is unremarkable, and has absolutely nothing new to offer. (Charles Mudede) Cinema 99, Fox Tower 10, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas

* Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Legendary warrior Chow Yun Fat can never declare his love for fellow martial-arts expert Michelle Yeoh. Instead, he entrusts her with Green Destiny, his nearly magical sword. But in the dark of night a hooded thief steals it, which leads to a fight held mostly in midair. An attempt to wed emotionally reticent drama with the exhilarating freedom of Hong Kong-genre filmmaking, but director Ang Lee can't quite pull off the combination; for too long a time, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon's shifting gears only jam. The film finds its rhythm and earns the accolades it has received once it leaves the stars behind and gives its heart over to the young and engaging Zhang Ziyi, as the aristocratic daughter of privilege who opts instead for the dangerous yet thrilling occupation of thief. (Bruce Reid) 82nd Avenue, Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Fox Tower 10, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Washington Square Center, Wilsonville

* Delicatessen
What with Mad Cow and Foot-and-Mouth and Ebola and Chlamydia, everyone is going to have to refrain from eating beef. But whatever will the carnivores of the world do? This post-apocalyptic film maps it out for you: EAT PEOPLE! Solves the population problem, Texans can turn it into an industry, everybody's happy. Directors Jean-Pierre Jeunet and Marc Caro were far ahead of their time with this brilliant, artful precursor to City of Lost Children. (Julianne Shepherd) Fifth Avenue Cinemas

* Driver's Ed Film Festival
Hilarious short films that will swear you off cars forever, including titles such as Mechanized Death and The Day I Died. Clinton Street Theatre

Enemy at the Gates
This film by Jean-Jacques Annaud (Seven Years in Tibet) tells a story of two men in love with the same woman, set against a backdrop of international conflict. The action scenes are great, concentrating mostly on a game of wits and nerves between Vassily and an opposing sniper, a German aristocrat (Ed Harris) called in to squelch the popular Vassily. The only trouble is, the alternating love story sequences are utterly boring. (D.K. Holm) Broadway Metroplex, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Sherwood 10, St. John's Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Westgate, Wilsonville

Evening with Elisabeth Subrin
An evening of experimental feminist film with one of the best in the biz. See review this issue. Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater

Exit Wounds
Exit Wounds tells the story of how Steven Seagal, with the help of rapper DMX, cleans up a corrupt police precinct one bad cop, and unattended jelly donut at a time. Steven Seagal has had a tough time in recent years with his rampant pot belly and poor box office performances. He's lost a bit of weight for this one, though; he's healthier, younger looking, his flexibility is once again bordering upon functional and there is a lot of chemistry between he and his onscreen partner,DMX. Unfortunately for DMX, however, the chemistry between Steven Seagal and any actor will always result in the organic compound that I like to refer to as shit, and really that's no fun to watch at all. (Kudzai Mudede) Division Street, Lloyd Mall, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV

Full Moon in Paris
A young designer finds disaster after beginning a secret life in the big city. Northwest Film Center at Whitsell Auditorium

* Gambler - Foreign Opposition
A gangster is banished from his homeland, only to start a newer, better gang. Blood, fighting, more blood! Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater

Part of the premise for the movie Heartbreakers, in which Sigourney Weaver and Jennifer Love Hewitt play a mother-and-daughter con team, is a fervent understanding that men will screw women over, and that women must beat those suckers at their own petty game. But as every cool-headed dealer knows, the revenge con never works; emotions, invariably, will trip you up. Heartbreakers is certainly amusing, but its unimaginative approach will disappoint viewers who want to feel the wicked cinch of the complex con. What it offers, instead, is the candy-rush sweetness of Hollywood true-love romance; a payoff, in a way, but one that proves unsatisfying in oh so many ways. (Traci Vogel) Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Sherwood 10, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Wilsonville

* The House of Mirth
British director Terence Davies' The House of Mirth, starring Gillian Anderson and Dan Aykroyd, adapts Edith Wharton's 1905 novel about New York high society--the tragic story of a beautiful young woman looking to marry a rich husband and finding herself torn between her need for financial security and her desire for personal integrity. Koin Center

* In the Mood for Love
The most achingly beautiful film in years. Jilted spouses always find themselves circling one painful step away from seeking comfort in each other's arms. Every moment of this film snaps with perfection. Koin Center

* Japan's Violent Gangs Boss
Koji Tsuruta returns from prison to regain control of his gang...but what's this? They've aligned themselves with a corporation?? Blood will surely spill!! Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater

Joe Dirt
David Spade plays a radio DJ searching for his white trash parents. Kid Rock is in this movie. You're not going to see it, are you? Didn't think so. 82nd Avenue, Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Sherwood 10, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Wilsonville

Josie and the Pussycats
By all that is holy, DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. And not just because it's aimed at 12-year-olds! If you allow any 12-year-old to see this, you should be turned over to Social Services. Because it is EVIL. Though it would like to bill itself as a send-up of a morally bankrupt music industry, in reality, the film extolls those very vices and enshrouds them in irony. Josie and the girls live in a world where advertising and subliminal messages control the nation's youth--and so, the economy. While the overabundance of product placement in the film is supposed to be interpreted as a joke, the hard truth is that the filmmakers obviously made tons of money from these gratuitous advertisements, and never once mention that children who spend their hard-earned dough at these establishments are buying into a corrupt system. And regardless of the immoral overtones, the gags are forced, and the acting is TERRIBLE--especially Rachael Leigh Cook as Josie, who exhibits a vast array of emotions as effectively as a clubbed trout. The music is bad, too. And the script. Did I mention you should NOT SEE THIS MOVIE? (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Sherwood 10, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Wilsonville

Just Visiting
Just Visiting is the American version of 1993's Les Visiteurs, the most lucrative French film of all time (in France, that is). The interesting part is that Just Visiting stars Jean Reno and Christian Clavieröthe, very same Frenchies who made the first movie. Reno plays Count Tibault of Malfete, a knight stranded in modern Chicago with nothing but sword, a suit of armor, and a manservant (Clavier). He must somehow find his way home to the 12th century to prevent the treacherous death of his new wife Rosalind (Christina Applegate), so he enlists the help of a distant ancestor (also Applegate). Slapdash, sloppy, and vapidly fun about half the time; the American version removes even the most light-hearted social criticism and replaces it with some really terrible digital effects. Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Sherwood 10, Vancouver Plaza , Washington Square Center

King of Kings
Cecil B. Demille's 1927 classic silent film about the life of Christ. Complete with TECHNICOLOR resurrection! Clinton Street Theatre

Kingdom Come
A group of old friends reunites after a dispicable family member dies in this all-black remake of The Big Chill. And by the way, it's abysmal. Century Eastport 16, Lloyd Mall, Vancouver Plaza , Westgate

* Left Luggage
Overshadowed by Schindler's List, this 1998 film is being revived for a much needed second look: Laid over memories from the Holocaust, a young, liberal Jewish girl tries to step out from the past. But, she falls into a job as the nanny for a strict, by-the-Torah Jewish boy and, as she grows fond of him, begins to feel a pull back into her past. A much more subtle (and in color) examination of the devastation from the Holocaust. Hollywood Theatre

* Me, You, Them
Regina Case is Brazil's current silver screen pin-up; but the big difference from America's female sex symbols is that she is broad-shouldered and buxom and could kick some serious bulimic butt. Case plays Darlene, a sweetly conniving country girl, who effortlessly charms the pants off the first three men set meets and forms an oddly balanced menage a quatre. In this entertaining fable of female equality, Darlene simultaneously takes on the role of wife, lover, and mother¨each with a different man. (Phil Busse) Koin Center

* Memento
Memento has a lot of starch in it; the film sticks with you for days, as you rehearse it over and over in your mind. It's also a movie so good that you almost fear a critical backlash against it. You come out of it feeling almost resentful at how good it is, and given that almost everyone is an aspiring filmmaker these days, this resentment is unvarnished jealousy. But this reviewer is pure of spirit, or at least spite: I may have seen a better film so far this year than Memento, but if I have, I've forgotten it. (D.K. Holm) Fox Tower 10

The Mexican
This movie was never meant to be a singular entity: It feels like two movies, hemorrhaged by nature, that have been forcefully welded together. The first of these movies is The Mexican; it features Brad Pitt, an antique gun, and the mob. It is vaguely interesting and Brad Pitt is very handsome. Secondly, there is what I will call National Lampoon's Seventh Circle of Hell, it stars Julia Roberts, a green V.W., and a sensitive hitman. It is a disgrace and Julia Roberts' performance is criminal. (Kudzai Mudede) Cinema 99, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Washington Square Center

* New Films From Running Team Films
A 90-minute showing of collaborative filmmakers from Portland including Ted Jackson, Colin O'Neill, David McManus and more! Clinton Street Theatre

* O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Set in Depression-era Mississippi, George Clooney stars as Everett Ulysses McGill, a suave and well-groomed petty criminal doing hard time on a chain gang. Shackled to Pete (John Turturro) and Delmar (Tim Blake Nelson), he convinces them to join him in escaping by promising to split a fortune in buried treasure with them. (Andy Spletzer) Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Evergreen Parkway, Fox Tower 10, Tigard Cinemas

* Ottawa International Animation Festival
Some choice selections from one of the world's best animation festivals. Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater

* Peripheral Produce
Matt McCormick's travelling cinema show returns, featuring films and video by Naomi Uman, Kerry Laitala, Xan Price, and Animal Charm (whose funny timing/reworking of film highlights the absurdity of the American people). Also showing: hand-painted slides by Holly Stalder, James Boring's "circuit-bent Atari," and Johnne Eshleman's awesome, loping Distance Formula. As with every film program in the world, some stuff will be higher quality than others, but McCormick's usually got an eye for the well-done. Clinton Street Theatre

Pokemón 3
The press kit for this film boasts that this is "the third big-screen installment of this infinitely popular series." Infinite means never-ending. Either they're lying, or we're doomed. Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Sherwood 10, Vancouver Plaza , Washington Square Center, Wilsonville

Another attempt from the film industry to mine the romantic lie of Bohemian life. This is actor Ed Harris' directorial debut (he also stars), and seems too hurried to establish the iconic events of painter Jackson Pollock's life--see Pollock urinate in Peggy Guggenheim's fireplace, see Pollock overturn the Thanksgiving table, see Pollock accidentally discover drip painting--instead of letting any of these moments achieve any natural resolution. Fox Tower 10

Set in the mid '70s in a Glasgow housing project, Ratcatcher is about a river and the children it kills. According to Ratcatcher, the life of a boy is full of wonder, magic, and brilliant things. A boy ties a rat to a birthday balloon and watches as it floats up to the sky, through outer space, and lands on the moon, where it eagerly joins other rats who are frantically running about its desiccated surface. What this implies is that to die in the world of Ratcatcher, a child's world, is to die in a dream and not in the real world. But why do little deaths cause us more grief than grownup ones? Maybe this director's next film will inspire an answer to this difficult question. (Charles Mudede) Fox Tower 10

Rugrats in Paris: The Movie
Why waste time dabbling in the waters of those fancy foreigners with their unintelligible offerings (Teletubbies, Pokemon, etc.) or those epileptic, fit-inducing upstarts who employ every cheap trick involving violence, sex, and subliminal messaging (everything on Fox Kids, for example). And you know full well that the Rugrats have been, are, and for some time to come will be the bearers of the formula for success. (Kudzai Mudede) Bagdad Theater

Saving Silverman
Jason Biggs is about to marry "the wrong girl," and his two rowdy buddies (Jack Black and Steve Zahn) will stop at nothzzzzzzzzzzzz. Trapped in a shamelessly derivative mess that retreads the nun-lovin' fun of Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit, they struggle to answer the question, "Women: Manipulative and emasculating, or vapid and pliable?" Judging by Silverman's sizable kitsch insurance policy, the accountant who approved this one knew it would take an omnipresent Neil Diamond to ensure the assloads of box office returns this film will undoubtedly make. You've seen this one before, sadly. (Jason Pagano) Avalon, Edgefield Powerstation, Kennedy School Theatre

Shadow of the Vampire
In this piece about the filming of the classic silent horror flick Nosferatu, Willem Dafoe and John Malkovich are hilarious, providing many quotable quotes and actions that will provide hours of fun for fans of high camp (much like similar lines from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure or Austin Powers). [Note to Post-ironic Mockers: it's not bad enough to be THAT funny. It's just plain bad.] (Julianne Shepherd) Laurelhurst Theater

Guy Ritchie (a.k.a. Mr. Madonna) knows how to use a camera like nobody else. Too bad he doesn't know how to make a film. The technique is clear: heaps colorful characters together who are walking around in nicely lit areas doing nasty things, throw in a few twists, pile on a few more characters and a lot more nasty things, a couple more twists, and then you're done. (Jamie S. Rich) Bagdad Theater, Laurelhurst Theater, Mission Theater

Someone Like You
If cuteness becomes a commodity, Ashley Judd will become an enormous, publicly-traded, multinational corporation. Please think twice before you go see this film. 82nd Avenue, Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Koin Center, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Sherwood 10, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza

Spy Kids
Fellow earthlings, I regret to inform you that even now as we speak, it is too late. Spy Kids is headed towards us like a juggernaut and only the childless have means of escaping. When a brother and sister set out to rescue their parents (played by Antonio Banderas and Carla Gugino)--and, subsequently, the world--from a malignant army of robotic children, they simultaneously deliver us straight into the jaws of humanity's most lethal foe, consumerism. The jet-packs are corporate fueled. The adrenaline rushes are company sponsored. And as we leave, the advertisers wave goodnight as they wish us, and especially the children, many many sweet McDreams. (Suzy Lafferty) Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lake Twin Cinema, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Sherwood 10, St. John's Theater, Tigard-Joy Theater, Vancouver Plaza , Westgate, Wilsonville

* State and Main
Alec Baldwin, William H. Macy, Sarah Jessica Parker, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and David Paymer descend on a small Vermont town to make a movie, bringing their sophisticated mores with them. The town end is held down by Charles Durning, Clark Gregg, Ricky Jay, Patti LuPone, Matt Malloy, Rebecca Pidgeon, and Julia Stiles... Do you begin to see a problem here? The cast is as fixedly big-city as a traffic jam. Though to tell you the truth, I was laughing too hard to worry about small inaccuracies. David Mamet has said that he was thinking of Preston Sturges when he put this film together, and it's a worthy successor to the Master. (Barley Blair) Laurelhurst Theater, Mission Theater

A vulnerable Parisian secretary is left alone on a vacation to the Alps, but finds more than she ever bargained for. Northwest Film Center at Whitsell Auditorium

* Thou Shalt Not Steal
Anti-shoplifting shorts including Caught in a Rip Off, and Shoplifters: The Criminal Horde. Clinton Street Theatre

What with Hollywood throwing Oscars at director Steven Soderbergh, this film is perhaps the most over-hyped film of the year. By now, unless you've been hiding up Richard Gere's butt, you know the scoop: With jumpy camera movements and "edgy" editing, the film braids together three loosely connected stories about the--gasp--drug war. What you may not have heard, though, is that one of these three stories is about as challenging as an after-school special, and another a blatant Miami Vice rip-off. The only truly lasting quality of the film is Benicio Del Toro, whose unflinching performance explores the conflicts between loyalty and self-preservation. (Phil Busse) Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Hilltop, Koin Center, Lloyd Cinemas, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Tigard Cinemas, Westgate

Walt Curtis Poetry Free For All
Local poet and author of Mala Noche, will read poetry, screen his film American Ferris Wheel and introduce other poetic-like films. Clinton Street Theatre

The Widow of St. Pierre
In 1849, on Saint-Pierre, a French-ruled island off the Newfoundland coast, a sailor, after getting drunk and killing a man as a kind of stupid prank, is sentenced to death by guillotine. And the nearest one is far to the south. While waiting for it to arrive, Neel is taken under the wing of "Madame La" Pauline (Juliette Binoche) and a kind of love grows not only between them, but between Neel and the community, as well. You couldn't ask for a more ready-made parable (based on the historical record, yet) of the horror of the death penalty, the inhuman machinery of the state, and the grandeur of the human spirit. Fox Tower 10

* Yi Yi
A computer engineer and his wife, Min-Min are pulled away from his brother-in-law's wedding when Min-Min's mother suffers a stroke and goes into a coma. They eventually bring her home and are encouraged to talk to her in a game attempt to bring her back to consciousness; these one-sided conversations allow the family members a forum to work out their individual concerns. Do not miss this opportunity to see this wonderful film that will draw you in and make you forget about time and space. Cinemagic

* You Can Count on Me
This is the sort of well-crafted, nutritious drama that gets critics burned out on adrenalized hoopla all tied up in knots. It's fine work, featuring Laura Linney's best performance since Congo (or maybe even before) as a single mom in the quaint burg of Scottsville. Her pothead drifter of a brother shows up, spurring an eventual, earnest realization of the importance of family. Matthew Broderick has an amusing role as Linney's new boss, who says things like "I like paperwork." The latest product of the Culkin Family Factory Farm for Cuteness, Rory, plays the precocious eight-year-old. Playwright Kenneth Lonergan has created a movie for grown-ups that hardly surprises, but somehow that's OK. (Marc Mohan) Koin Center, Moreland Theater