* 13 Going on 30
It's 1987 and 13-year-old Jenna wants nothing more than to grow up and become the editor of her favorite fashion mag, Poise. In her way is a group of horrid junior high bitches, and her fat neighbor who carries a Casio and a huge crush. After a particularly traumatic experience, Lil' Jenna uses "wishing dust" to become Big Jenna--a 30-year-old knockout with a closet full of shoes, a hot boyfriend, and her dream job. But what's this? She still has her 13-year-old brain! Regal Cinemas, etc.

* 2004 Palestinian Film Fest
An entire evening of films about Palestine. At 5:40 see Gaza Strip, the documentary by James Longley that boils 75 hours of footage down to 74 minutes. At 6:54 On the Ground, Witness, Resist, Rebuild shows civil disobedience that results in people's homes being demolished. At 8:15 catch Palestine is Still the Issue, an interview montage about the plight of the Palestinians as refugees in their own land. At 9:10 there will be a program of shorts, followed by a discussion. The fest is free and open to the public. PSU Smith Memorial Union Rm 225

50 First Dates
Adam Sandler isn't as funny as he used to be, but 50 First Dates still has a few good jokes. Drew Barrymore is pretty terrible but wears totally cool outfits and bitching turquoise eyeliner. All in all, it's worth $3 at the second run. (Katie Shimer) Avalon

Best of PISS Fest See review this issue. Itisness

* Bolivia Crisis See review this issue. First Unitarian Church

* Bon Voyage
Bon Voyage has a big theme (Germany's invasion of France), big actors (in terms of reputation), and big emotions (a young man's eternal love for a famous but shallow movie actress). The speed of the film's narrative is always high, and the characters are kept in constant motion, rarely stopping to rest and look at the big world around them. If this were an American movie, it would have been described as intelligent and even profound; but as a French movie, it is big, dumb, and lots of fun. (Charles Mudede) Fox Tower 10

* Borderlands: Three by Chantal Akerman See review this issue. Cinema Project

Breakin' All the Rules
Jamie Foxx gets dumped by his girlfriend and then writes a book about it. Century Eastport 16, Division Street, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Westgate

* Dangerous Beauty
The tale of a 16th-century woman tried for witchcraft simply for reading books. PSU Smith Memorial Union Rm 225

In search of an ancestral sofa, the narrator takes off from her Hasidic community. Along the way she discovers not only the wide world but bits and pieces about her own heritage. A witty and, at times, silly story about family and what role unseen ancestors play in shaping our personalities. Whitsell Auditorium

* Dogville
Dogville is far from perfect--Lars von Trier's insistence on stilted dialogue (translated from Dutch to English) makes a few of his actors look like amateurs, and things drag seriously in the final stretch. But for every audience groan there are numerous gasps of perverse delight, the most memorable of which are supplied by Nicole Kidman. Not to be outdone by Breaking the Waves' Emily Watson or Dancer in the Dark's Bjork, Kidman submits to von Trier's scriptural sadism with gusto, bringing a piercing humanity to a character that is admittedly a superhuman ideal. (David Schmader) Laurelhurst

* Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Whereas the last Michel Gondry/Charlie Kaufman collaboration, Human Nature, eventually crumbled under its own quirkiness (considerably helped along by the staggering blandness of Tim Robbins), Eternal Sunshine finds director and scribe fitting perfectly together. This is a film that travels far beyond most of our imaginations. It is also one of the most beautifully assembled romances you will ever see. (Bradley Steinbacher) City Center 12, Edgefield, Fox Tower 10, Lloyd Cinemas

* Film Jeopardy Finale!
Watch local celebrities and film afficianados battle for the title of "ultimate film geek" in Film Jeopardy's finals round. It's a five dollar admission, but that's a small price to pay for an education. Hollywood Theatre

* Good bye, Lenin
In 1989, Alexander Kerner (Daniel Brühl) is a young East Berliner not beginning, as he had hoped, a career in space, but one as a TV repairman. Though not happy about his situation, Alexander is not an angry youth, nor is he openly hostile to his mother, whose faith in the Socialist Party contradicts his emerging political beliefs. During a protest against the state, which is brutally repressed by the police, Alexander's mother chances to see him being beaten and arrested by the very cops who serve the party that she is devoted to. The mother faints and has a heart attack, which sends her into a coma. During her sleep, the Berlin Wall falls, East Germany dissolves into West Germany, and the society changes its money, its clothes, its entire mode of material existence. After eight months, the mother awakes, but because she is frail, the doctor strongly recommends that her recovery not be shaken by shocks and surprises. It's at this point that Good Bye, Lenin! becomes interesting. (Charles Mudede) Laurelhurst

* Hellboy
Admittedly Mike Mignola's comic sounds shitty on paper: Hellboy--a baby demon clandestinely summoned by the Nazis in WWII--is adopted by the good-hearted Professor Bruttenholm, raised in the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense, then proceeds to fight Nazis and various monsters. Ridiculous premise or no, Hellboy has been a mainstay of indie comics for 10 years, infusing that simplistic premise with insightful characterization and emotional resonance. As those are qualities usually ignored in Hollywood's comic adaptations, Hellboy should have failed fantastically. Instead, it succeeds in ways that no other comic adaptation has. (Erik Henrickson) Avalon, Bagdad Theater, Kennedy School, Laurelhurst, Mission Theater

Rumor has it that Viggo Mortenson was cast in this bloated desert adventure before he became one of the most famous actors ever via Lord of the Rings. I find it very hard to believe, however, that the producers of Hidalgo weren't just trying to cash in on a bankable star... because Mortenson STINKS. I can't imagine any casting agent in their right mind listening to his dismal cowboy accent or observing his nonexistent comic timing, and not saying, "Next!" Aside from Mortenson, though, Hidalgo could almost be cool. It tells the story of a cowboy at the turn of the century who entered a race in Saudi Arabia across a vicious desert. It's supposedly a true story, but regardless, it's a neat premise. Too bad the script is tepid and meandering and loaded with stupid family-friendly Middle Eastern stereotypes. Pretty scenery, though. And horses. (Justin Sanders) Avalon, Edgefield, Kennedy School, Laurelhurst, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Mission Theater, Mt. Hood Theater, Tigard-Joy Theater

* High Noon
The classic 1950s Western about a retiring town marshal, who is told on his last day that a dangerous prisoner with a vendetta against him is taking the noon train to town. Laurelhurst

* I'm Not Scared
The advertising slogan for Gabriel Salvatore's I'm Not Scared, "Who can you trust when everyone's a suspect?" lends a poignant and desperate resonance to the film's unsettling plot. In an isolated village in southern Italy, 10-year-old Michele (Giuseppe Cristiano) gradually uncovers an inhumane and jarring secret about his family. Michele's distrust of the people around him grows, and the young actor skillfully expresses the revelatory pain that arrives with the betrayal of unflinching childhood trust. Intense, subtle performances make it difficult to keep a critically objective distance as the film works to articulate a painful and eventually cathartic conflict between the loving abandon of childhood and fearful confusion of growth. The adults in the film are depraved and frightened, and Michele must shoulder the immense responsibility of remaining courageous in the face of their repression and threats. A devastating and provocative film capable of provoking uncomfortable philosophical illuminations. (Evan James) Fox Tower 10

* Inside Vinton Studio See review this issue. Guild Theater

* it (independent tuesdays)
The very cool Nocturnal continues to bat a thousand with this monthly event at which budding filmmakers can show off their wares. This month's theme: Propaganda. All are welcome to show films; just call 239-5900 or email jef@nocturnalpdx.com Nocturnal

* Jane: An Abortion Service See review this issue. Fifth Avenue Cinemas

Jersey Girl
Jersey Girl is not a film for fans of Kevin Smith's previous work, such as Clerks, Mallrats, or Chasing Amy. Why? Because Jersey Girl isn't funny, clever, stylistic, or crude. It's just one of those middling stories about a crappy dad who steps up to the plate and becomes a great dad, putting his career aspirations aside. (Katie Shimer) St. Johns Pub

The Film Center continues its series of films from the "developing world." This time we travel to a small town in Tunisia. There, a boy-man with bright red hair and pale skin is the village oddball. When he is suddenly empowered with the duty of announcing births, deaths, and marriages, his ego takes off. A comedy of errors. Guild Theater

* Kill Bill Vol. 2
So the question most Kill Bill lovers are asking is, "How in the hell is Tarantino going to top the hilariously bloody finale of Vol. 1?" The answer: He can't. Therefore, Vol. 2 takes a fairly strong detour from the pop cultured, chopsocky love-in of Tarantino's first outing. Instead of the audience being treated to more amputations, this installment focuses more on the inner life of the Bride and Bill. While the first installment explored the expense of revenge, the second focuses on how the darkness of revenge has its roots in the deepest of loves. (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Fox Tower 10, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV

Kitchen Stories
A spoof on how science can make for more efficient living, the fictional Swedish Home Research Institute sends observers to examine kitchen habits in 1950s Norway. The subtext of this gentle comedy is a homosexual love story. The "text" is much less interesting. Beware: your grandparents will love it. (Andy Spletzer) Cinemagic

The Light That Failed
Based on Rudyard Kipling's first novel, a soldier returns to Sudan after combat. There, he takes up his life as a painter, but soon realizes that a war injury is forcing him to lose his eyesight. Now, it's a race against time! Whitsell Auditorium

Man on Fire
Now, I've nothing against revenge tragedies. However, director Tony Scott (Enemy of the State, Top Gun) is a worthless washed-up hack that should've been kicked out of Hollywood years ago. A retarded lobotomized monkey couldn't ruin a movie with Denzel Washington and Dakota Fanning--and yet somehow? Tony Scott has managed to rise to the task. (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Regal Cinemas, etc.

* The Man Who Knew Too Much
Alfred Hitchcock was always the best at tapping into the dark side of Jimmy Stewart, here saddling him with too much dangerous information. Cafe Nola

Margarette's Feast
Sometimes a picture is worth more than 1000 words. A silent film that is touching, funny, and engaging. Hique Gomez (who also composed the film's soundtrack) plays a man who, after losing his job, must figure out how to host his wife's extravagant birthday party. Guild Theater

Mayor of the Sunset Strip
"What do you think is so special about mingling with celebrities?" That question, and the failure by any of this film's many interviewees to answer it even partially, is the bleeding heart of a great documentary. Though the nominal subject of this piece is faded Los Angeles deejay Rodney Bingenheimer, the movie is a lot more interested in Bingenheimer's tattered Hollywood milieu than in presenting a simple has-been's biography. (Sean Nelson) Cinema 21

* Mean Girls
Mean Girls is no Heathers--it lacks the surreal quality of the teenage years, the quality that's found a strange but correct analogue in supernatural teen dramas like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Sabrina the Teenage Witch--but it's pretty good. Really, when you think about what sort of crap is out there for teenagers, about how teenagers live and interact and what Hollywood thinks is at stake for them (Chasing Liberty, anyone?), Mean Girls starts to look great. It's funny, lively, and smart, with a couple of characters who seem realer than not, and had I seen it as a teenager it might have changed something for me. Regal Cinemas, etc.

* Monster
In an amazing feat, Charlize Theron not only manages to look like complete crap, she does a spectacular job of playing notorious serial killer Aileen Wuornos. Mimicking her telltale mannerisms perfectly, Theron plays the part with total believability. Her performance--and the smart direction of the film--evokes sympathy, anger, disgust, and an overwhelming emptiness. Granted, seeing a movie about a woman whose life went from child abuse to prostitution to rape to murder to betrayal by her lover to execution isn't a fun time; but it effectively makes you ponder the immense good and evil in humanity, and quite possibly, will make you cry. (Katie Shimer) Laurelhurst

Moulin Rouge
The film is filled with clever contrivances: Dizzying choreography and sets, visual tips of the hat to the early cinematography of Vincent Whitman (A Trip to the Moon, 1914), a script loosely based on the Greek myth of Orpheus, and co-mingling modern songs by Madonna, Elton John, Nat King Cole, and even Nirvana. All extremely clever ideas--however, it's these same contrivances that turn Moulin Rouge into an overwhelming visual mess. Pix Patisserie

New York Minute
The Olsen twins are agents of socialization in a conservative America; New York Minute is loaded with superficial morals ranging from familial friendship and personal responsibility, to a half-baked swipe at the evils of pirated music. What's worse, though, is that NYM's screenplay has some, hmm... racially unsound moments written by screenwriters apparently thinking with less depth than the Olsens' pedicurist. (Julianne Shepherd) Regal Cinemas, etc.

* The Prisoner, episode 16 & 17
The Mission is spotlighting this terrific cult television series starring Patrick McGoohan as a retired spy who finds himself imprisoned in a very mysterious village. A guaranteed marijuana freakout! Mission Theater

Algiers is one of the most frightening and unsettled places in the world. When a beautiful school teacher survives a terrorist attack, she must suddenly deal with the constant physical threat and psychological fears of terrorism. Guild Theater

* Repo Man
After Otto's life takes a quick tumble into the crapper, he gets a job "repossessing" cars and enters a life of other-worldly craziness. Laurelhurst

The Saddest Music In the World
This is one hell of a film--or so it insists. From the very beginning it assaults its audience with the assertion that it is arty, deep, and important. This is first presented by the film's look--dark, grainy black-and-white that's purposely smeared, so that the edges of every scene and figure are blurred and distorted. It's pretty uncomfortable to watch, and the bizarre storyline only exacerbates the disorienting effects. Set in Winnipeg during the Great Depression, the film is about a wealthy beer baroness (Isabella Rossellini) who throws a radio contest to see which country produces the saddest music in the world (and to sell beer to the depressed masses, especially the Americans terrorized by prohibition). Representatives from all over the globe come to face off, tournament-style. Curiously, most of the music in this film is quickly cut short, squandering an opportunity to showcase a limitless range of powerful styles. Also, curiously, most of the music really doesn't seem all that sad. (Marjorie Skinner) Fox Tower 10

* The Seagull's Laughter
A young, beautiful Icelandic woman returns to her fishing villiage after her American serviceman husband is killed. She turns heads all over town with her fashionable American clothing and grabs the attention of the town's most eligible bachelor. Exotic scenery and quirky Icelandic locals add to the film's charm. Hollywood Theatre

Shrek 2
Shrek 2 can best be described with a shrug. As in: it's fine, no big deal, just what you would expect. It is a harmless home run--uninspired, for the most part (especially when compared to the original), but certainly watchable. This, I'm well aware, is not high praise, but then Shrek 2 is impervious to both praise and derision; safe and cozy thanks to the massive success of its predecessor, the film can just sit back and patiently tally what is sure to be its massive profit. (Bradley Steinbacher) Regal Cinemas, etc.

A Slipping Down Life
Lili Taylor and Guy Pearce star in this 1999 film about a small-town woman who becomes obsessed with a barroom country musician. Fox Tower 10

Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter... and Spring
The five seasons are governed by very different generic conventions--meaning it's entirely possible to enjoy one and abhor the next. The opening parable, "Summer," is successful, but the next two episodes (a coming-of-age vignette and a cop drama) come up short by comparison. Then "Winter"--by far the most successful segment, and the only full episode to feature director Kim Ki-duk as the main character--explodes into an astounding ode to labor and atonement. (Annie Wagner) Fox Tower 10

* Stupidity See review this issue. Clinton Street Theater

* Super Size Me
In an inspired bout of artistic commitment, Morgan Spurlock set aside a month during which he ate nothing but McDonald's. The effects of this endeavor were astounding. He put on 30 pounds in 30 days, suffered periods of intense chest pain, shortness of breath, and was told by multiple doctors that if he continued at his unorthodox eating he would die from liver failure within six months. As the movie progresses, a palpable sense of dread mounts, as Spurlock continues to stuff McNuggets and French fries in the face of terrible health reports. At the same time, there's also only so many ways a guy can depict himself eating and still keep things interesting. For padding, he intersplices fast food factoids that anyone who read Fast Food Nation already knows. Spurlock seems to realize his research is treading on familiar ground, and is desperate to spice things up, but the onslaught of colorful animation and nifty sound effects is show-offy and grating. (Justin Sanders) Fox Tower 10

* Taking Asylum
Sabala's Mt. Tabor now shows independent movies weekly. Through May 27th, check out Peter Coleman's Taking Asylum: a film about Max, a psychic who until two years ago helped police find serial killers. After inadvertantly leading one of the killers to his wife, and her subsequent murder, Max spends his time wracked with guilt, and worrying that his young daughter might have his psychic "curse." We catch up with Max when the police come begging for his help on a new, gruesome case. Sabala's Mt Tabor Theatre

The Terrorist
(India, 1998) Santosh Sivan's beautifully photographed tale of a 19-year-old revolutionary's decision to become a suicide bomber. Hollywood Theatre

* Touching the Void
I'm not sure if Joe Simpson and Simon Yates are still active mountaineers, but it is clear that just speaking about their famous climb in this drama-documentary, detailing it in that near-formal language which distinguishes professional mountaineers from amateurs, gives them a pleasure that is satanic in its size and intensity. (Charles Mudede) Fox Tower 10

* The Triplets of Belleville
An animated French film that speaks nary an intelligible word throughout its entire 80-minute running time, Les Triplettes de Belleville's jaw-dropping artwork alone could have kept me riveted for hours. Physically exaggerated characterizations and dark, dank urban landscapes give the film a particularly strong noir sensibility, and in the void of spoken word, layered sound effects add to the ambience. (Justin Sanders) Hollywood Theatre

If you were going to bring an epic tale to life on the big screen, it would be nice if you could find an epic tale to tell. Troy, the latest big budget action/drama/war/romance/ adventure film by hack director Wolfgang Petersen (Perfect Storm, Air Force One, Outbreak), has absolutely no idea what story it's trying to unravel. Playing out something like the Cliffs Notes version of Homer's enormous epic poem, The Illiad, on which it's based, Troy attempts to conquer a huge amount of territory, but has no battle plan. (Katie Shimer) Regal Cinemas, etc.

Van Helsing
Hugh Jackman plays Van Helsing, a long-haired Nancy-boy, who is paid by the Vatican to run around Europe and kill monsters, and who's eventually sent to Transylvania to kill Dracula. On his journey, he meets up with a sweet piece of ass (Kate Beckinsale) who also wants to kill Dracula because--surprise!--he killed her family. BUT! Unbeknownst to them, Drac has an evil scheme in mind! (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Regal Cinemas, etc.

Walking Tall
Walking Tall completely sucks. The Rock takes his shirt off only one time--he looks great, by the way--and participates in roughly four fights, nearly getting his ass kicked twice. The rest of the film is spending on boring plot development that should've taken five minutes. In short... this movie has way too much blabbing and not enough stabbing. (Katie Shimer) Avalon, Century Eastport 16, Mt. Hood Theater

What the Fuck Do We Know?
Mark Vincente's What the #$*! Do We Know?, is a tidy, slick, and thoroughly compelling documentary-infused narrative, which attempts to break the ice of quantum physics without putting us to sleep. The dramatized portions follow a few days in the life of Portland photographer Amanda, affectionately played by Oscar winner Marlee Matlin, as she deals with her separation from a cheating husband. These scenes were filmed at various sites around Portland, which adds a certain resonance to the action. Interspersed throughout the narrative, noted quantum physicists break it down, posing huge questions about reality, and our perceptions thereof. They touch on deliciously radical and heretical topics, but stop short of simple explanations, which gives the film a lovely, meditative feel, while simultaneously making you smarter. (Brian Brait) See review this issue. Bagdad Theater

* Wild At Heart
Sailor (Nick Cage) and Lula (Laura Dern) star in David Lynch's love story about a couple on the run, who are being tailed by a man hired to kill Sailor. Blind Onion

Wretched Lives
A fast-paced and over-the-top drama about a cosmetic countergirl who is trying to find calm in the storm of turmoil in the Philippines. Guild Theater

Young Adam
The compression of desire, enhanced by wanting badly what one can't have and then taking it anyway, makes for some incredibly hot sex scenes--if only Tilda Swinton didn't look like such a wilted weed the whole time. But the real problem is that Young Adam (based on the book by Alexander Trocchi) builds up a steamy focal point for the movie, only to shift to something broader that never seems to pull the same weight. (Jennifer Maerz) City Center 12