When I was a teenager, I was pretty sure I'd grow up to be a 40-year-old virgin. Thankfully, Hollywood offered hope that even dorky white kids from the suburbs could, someday, do the nasty. While deflowerings in horror flicks usually have all the moral subtlety of Chick tracts, other genres don't stray too far from the conventional view that girls should keep their hymens intact, and guys should eagerly attempt to get their pipes cleaned.
• The Virgin Suicides (1999)—School mega-hunk Trip Fontaine (Josh Hartnett) pulls off two highly unlikely feats. (1) He wins permission to take virginal babe Lux (Kirsten Dunst) to the homecoming dance. (2) He gets into her panties on the football field. Unfortunately, he proves incapable of sticking around and being a decent guy.
• Cabin Boy (1994)—Chris Elliott, whose under-appreciated early-'90s sitcom Get A Life was on the air for about as long as he was on Saturday Night Live, bellows, "These pipes are clean!" and insists on being called "Cabin Man" following his first sexual encounter with Calli—a six-armed, blue-skinned sea slut.
• Wet Hot American Summer (2001)—This parody of the '80s summer-camp genre takes place on the last day of summer camp, where, by custom, fulfilling the promise of the movie's title is a must. In this retelling of countless other teen-sex comedies, soft-core sex scenes aren't just the domain of healthy hetero boys and girls, but (or should I say "butt"?) love is also consummated between two strapping young men in a tool shed.