Babies are gross. They're shriveled little things that look like bleached potatoes; they smell weird; they're notoriously untrustworthy; they vomit and shit all over themselves and you. Yet moviegoers can't get enough of the things, so behold: Le cinéma des enfants!
• Look Who's Talking (1989)—There's nothing more adorable than a baby who talks with the jaded yet feisty voice of Bruce Willis! The sequel, Look Who's Talking Too (1990), features the voices of Roseanne, Damon Wayans, and, in his most illustrious role, Mel Brooks as "Mr. Toilet Man." Let's not even go into Look Who's Talking Now (1993), other than to say that Danny DeVito's had better days. Or maybe not.
• Three Men and a Baby (1987)—Wherefore art thou, Steve Guttenberg? There was Police Academy, Cocoon, Three Men and a Baby, and... okay, maybe that was it. Still, having three bachelors raise a baby girl is laugh-tacular, with a dollop of cute-a-riffic! Especially when one of the dads is Magnum, P.I., another one is the bartender from Cheers, and the last one is... uh... that one dude? Curly hair? From Cocoon and Police Academy?
• Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend (1985)—This isn't about a human baby—it's about a DINOSAUR BABY! I loved this movie as a kid—it's about these two scientists who adopt a baby dinosaur—but re-watching it recently inspired me to hold down the fast forward button as I desperately searched under the couch for booze and/or expired prescription meds. Mercury Fun Fact™! Animatronic baby dinosaurs will give you horrible, horrible nightmares.
• Million Dollar Baby (2004)—This movie sounds like it'd be about an awesomely rich baby—maybe one who'd roll in a gold baby carriage, have a crib the size of a mansion, diapers made of silk, and diamond-studded pacifiers! How awesome would that millionaire baby be? But no; this is some depressing shit about boxing and an old man who kills his surrogate daughter, and there's nary a baby bottle filled with Dom Perignon in sight. The least they could have done was stick an animatronic baby dinosaur in there somewhere.