This weekend, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning opens—yet more proof that, from The Omen to The Wicker Man to The Amityville Horror, Hollywood is more than happy to tarnish the gory, teenager-filled dreams of creepy, trench coat-clad adults for the cheap, flashy thrills of a younger generation. Since these rehashes show no signs of slowing down (remakes of Evil Dead, Don't Look Now, and The Fly are currently in production), here are a few films that could stand to go under the knife.
• Silver Bullet (1985)—Of the lesser Stephen King adaptations, Silver Bullet could really stand some D-grade CGI to spice things up. (Then again, so could King's other work—Maximum Overdrive? Cat's Eye? The Shawshank Redemption?) This fondly remembered, poorly-aged werewolf flick stars Corey Haim, some modern dancer with glowing red eyes in a totally shitty wolf suit, and the always incomprehensible Gary Busey. Bullet is just screaming for a remake—even if you'd be hard pressed to top the original's choice Busey-isms. ("I feel like a virgin on prom night!" "I'm gonna wind up singing soprano in the Vienna Boys Choir!")
• April Fool's Day (1986)—If the surprisingly excellent Dawn of the Dead remake taught us anything, it's that the less serious the source material, the better chance you'll have at not pissing off the fans. Which brings us to April Fool's Day: a knowingly ridiculous slasher-meets Agatha-Christie farce that, in the right hands, could succeed where the Scream series failed so miserably.
• The Lost Boys (1987)—All right, so this should probably be left the hell alone. But if you're going to have a bunch of middling, WB post-pubescents destroy a beloved neo-horror classic, you could scarcely fuck this premise up too much: Corey Haim (again?) and his family move to a town teeming with hot, teenage vampires (led by Kiefer Sutherland), whom Corey (along with Corey Feldman) must murderize. Or better yet—why don't they just make that sequel they promised us?