Combining the goofiest parts of The O.C., Star Wars, and any movie in which a shouting Samuel L. Jackson acts all crazy, Jumper is kind of great. I mean, not for everyone—in order to enjoy the film, you need to like at least two out of the three things above. Or you need to be a 12-year-old boy. If that applies, though, have I got a movie for you! And me!
Based on the young adult novel by Steven Gould, Jumper's concept is a Twilight Zone/Xbox mash-up. David Rice (Hayden Christensen, AKA Darth Vader) can teleport anywhere he wants: With a Nightcrawler-y BAMF!, he can materialize on the couch in his swank Manhattan apartment, or thousands of miles away on the head of an Egyptian sphinx. "Nothing's off limits," David boasts, which explains why he's totally cool with jumping into bank vaults to steal cash, or jumping over to Fiji for some surfing. Thankfully, never once does the idea of saving people's lives or going all superhero enter David's mind; he's content with stealing cool shit, impressing the ladies, and using his powers to get revenge on his childhood bullies.
Enter David's childhood crush, Millie (Rachel Bilson, AKA Summer Roberts from The O.C.); a fellow jumper named Griffin (Jamie Bell, AKA Billy Elliot); and Roland (Samuel L. Jackson), a ridiculous-looking bad guy who hates jumpers. (We know because he tells us so: "I hate jumpers!" Roland says.) "Welcome to the war," Billy Elliot tells Darth Vader, and soon, director Doug Liman (The Bourne Identity) is swinging his camera around while everybody teleports all over the place, from the Arctic to Rome to Chechnya, and Summer Roberts is all, "I love you Darth Vader, but I suspect you have magical powers!" and Darth Vader's all, "Hey, Billy Elliot! Let's team up to kill Mace Windu!" and Mace Windu's all like, "I hate jumpers SO MUCH! Ezekiel! 25:17!" Then there's some Pepsi product placement. Ah, cinema.