Do me a favor: Don't buy a DVD player. You'll only fuck it up for the rest of us. The fewer the people who own players, the less likely studios are to dumb down DVDs by reducing extras like commentary tracks and languages. If, however, you are a fellow elitist snob, here are some of this week's DVD releases.

Daytrippers (1997)--Very funny comedy with Hope Davis hanging with her family as she searches Manhattan for her straying hubby (Stanley Tucci).

Liberty Heights (1999)--Barry Levinson explores Jewish angst in this amusing, tender comedy that played on Portland screens for about two seconds.

Martin (1977)--George Romero is the Jeffrey Dahmer of horror directors, and this is his moody film about a kid who thinks he's a vampire.

Topsy-Turvy (1999)--A typical soporific British Oscar-whoring film. Gilbert and Sullivan lite.

The Tenth Victim (1965)--Ultra-cool and ultra-violent, Elio Petri's futuristic sci-fi film ends up being a campy version of Italy in 1965, only with Ursula Andress and Marcello Mastroianni shooting people in state-sanctioned murder games.

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (1999)-- A mathematical marvel: Rob Schneider x length--wit=the painful expansion of empty time.