Who Doesn't Love a Muppet?

What's great about a Muppet? Well, Muppets are great actors. Muppets are the best stuntmen in the world. Muppets are hysterically funny and always on the go. Muppets never make you feel bad about your complexion or figure. Muppets never do think pieces. And gosh darnit, if you're feeling down, there's no better way to cheer yourself up than a classic Muppet movie.

• Dark Crystal (1982)--A stoner's wet dream, and one of the best movies ever, Muppet or not. Two of the last remaining Gelflings (one, a Daryl Hannah look-a-like) attempt to get past the evil, hungry Skeksis birds (who have the creepiest voices in the world), to return a shard of the crystal to her brother and restore the life of the planet.

Follow that Bird (1985)--Big Bird wants to become a real bird, and is willingly adopted by the Dodos. He soon realizes, however, that he's not a real bird, just a big stuffed Muppet, and tries to get back to Sesame Street, stat. Unfortunately, he gets caught up at a cruel travelling circus where he's locked in a cage and dyed blue--which everyone knows gives Muppets horrible scabies. Don't worry though, Luis and Oscar are on their way.

• Labyrinth (1986)--David Bowie rules. Why doesn't he act more... especially with Muppets? He plays the evil goblin king in this Jim Henson classic, abducting Sarah's brother after she wishes goblins would take him away. In order to get her bro back, Sarah has to solve the intricate Labyrinth, but, thank the lord, she has the help of some brainy Muppets.

The Great Muppet Caper (1981)--Kermit, Fozzie, and Gonzo travel to London to catch a jewel thief. Miss Piggy has a sordid love affair and John Cleese gives a performance that reeks of his days on the awesome show Fawlty Towers. This film reminds us of another great muppet quality--their incredible ability to work together. Let's learn from it, America! See also The Muppet Christmas Carol, The Muppet Movie, Muppet Treasure Island, Muppets Take Manhattan, and the splendid Muppets from Space. COLONEL SHIMER