Hey! I'm busy! I got no time to mess around with your long, windy movie titles like What's Eating Gilbert Grape and The Return of the Jedi. I got places to go and people to see! I can't stop and fumble over titles like Gummo and Solaris; I got stuff to do! I want one syllable and one syllable only. Hell, I don't even want words in my titles. If it has more than one letter, then it's not for me...
• SSSSSSS (1973) Never has the letter "s" been used so productively than in the title for this camp classic about a mad scientist (fittingly named "Dr. Stoner") who transforms people into snakes! Don't miss A-Team and Battlestar Galactica hunk, Dirk Benedict, as the college student David who falls in love with Stoner's daughter and winds up matching wits--and scales--with him. The beauty of this title is that, though technically it has seven "S's," you can actually pronounce only 6 "S's", or even 5 "S's" and the average person will never be the wiser.
• Q (1982) See, the filmmakers behind this modern fantasy epic know how to do titles. They could have named it Quetzlcoatl (the Aztec god who was half reptile and half bird from which the film's horrible winged creature derives), but instead shortened it to just Q. From we who have lives and don't have time to sit around all day trying to pronounce a totally obscure movie title: Thank you, filmmakers. Anyway, the movie's choppy, but the monster looks good, as does Richard Roundtree as the steamy Sergeant Powell.
• O (2001) God Bless director Tim Blake-Nelson. Not only did he reduce Shakespeare's egregiously long titled Othello down to one letter, but he also turned the egregiously long play into a semi-watchable contemporary film. Mekhi Phifer shines as the studly high school basketball player, O, as does Josh Hartnett as his scheming, homoerotic buddy Hugo who wants nothing more than to kick his ass off the team. Julia Stiles as O's girl Desi is wooden, but that should come as no surprise. JUSTIN SANDERS