when animals attack ii: more attacking animals

Just when you think it's safe to go back into the water, jungle, forest, wilderness, swamp or whatever--you're wrong! Because there, lying in wait, are animalsÉ and they're ready to attack again. With a surprisingly human thirst for revenge and with astonishingly human-like focus and motivation, the beasts are coming for you, human, and they're not happy. They are, for the most part, hungry.

- Orca (1977)--We humans cheered when the late, great Chuck Bronson wasted people for fucking with his family, so why is this whale a "bad guy" when he does it? Richard Harris--whose presence in this film proves beyond a doubt he had a drinking problem--stars as Captain Nolan, who battles a killer whale that will stop at nothing until he is revenged.

- Claws (1977)--A grizzly bear, wounded and left to die by hunters, slaughters Alaskans to satiate his bear-taste for bear-revenge. Warning: This movie is "Out of Print" and will require a $100 deposit at Movie Madness unless you've been there like 50 times--even if you're a very important Mercury reporter. Otherwise, I guess you'll just have to grin and bear it.

- Anaconda (1997)--A star-studded cast including Jon Voight, Ice Cube, J.LO, and Owen Wilson take on a gigantic snake with a ravenously serious craving for humans. This Amazonian river rampage includes plenty of "Is that a vine or a snake?" scenes. While the action movie one-liner is all but passé, I never quite tire of Ice Cube addressing a 40 some-foot anaconda as "bitch".

- Night of the Lepus (1972)--Giant, bloodthirsty, genetically altered Arizona jackrabbits declare, "This ain't no Watership Down, motherfucker!!" as they rip a small nowhere town a new one. Loosely based on KFC's unpublished chicken-altering campaign, this screen gem is sure to leave you suspicious of Trix, Bugs, and all things Duracell. LANCE CHESS