cannibalism: it's what's for dinner

Thank god for Mad Cow Disease! If not for this debilitating malady, we would have almost no excuse for spotlighting "cannibalism" in this edition of "I'm Staying Home." As we all know, cannibalism is the primary cause of Mad Cow; thanks primarily to inscrutable farmers shoving bovine brains down the gullets of their cattle. After eating their own kind, the cows go bonkers and quickly perish--but not without a modicum of revenge! In zombie-like fashion, their carcasses are returned to life; in meatloaf, hamburgers and inside that taco you're about to eat. So let's hear it for cannibalism, and it's re-introduction into American life!

- Motel Hell (1980)--A terrific parody of the burgeoning "natural foods" phenomenon. Farmer Rory Calhoun kidnaps tourists, plants them in the ground and fattens them up to become the main ingredient of his all-natural sausage. Hilarious, gore-filledÉ and I'll be damned if looking at that sausage doesn't make you hungry.

- Delicatessen (1991)--In a futuristic Paris, a famine has wiped out the entire food supply--except for the contents of a mysterious butcher shop. Turns out the jerky butcher is killing off and chopping up the residents of his apartment building, and has his eye on his newest tenant, an out-of-work circus clown. Bad idea; clowns taste like shit.

- Eating Raoul (1982)--Another '80s cult classic. The Blands own a struggling restaurant, but come up with a great plan to make it successful: lure swingers to their apartment, kill them with a frying pan and steal their money. However! A wrench is thrown into the works when a cat burglar named Raoul enters the picture, and supplies his own rather tasty method of body disposal.

- I Eat Your Skin (1964)--Originally titled Voodoo Blood Bath, playboy/author Tom Harris is whisked away to a Caribbean island by his publisher where--damn the luck!--he's pursued by peckish zombies. Campy fun ensues, especially for those who decide to make this flick a double-feature with 1970's I Drink Your Blood. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY