SNEAK PREVIEWS!

When I'm coked out and/or desperately needing to take a leak, do I want to sit through a three-hour snooze fest like Schindler's List? No--I want a condensed sales pitch that only shows the best parts of upcoming movies! Hence this week's focus on internet-available previews/trailers.

- Team America: World Police--(October) The latest from South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone, Team America is reportedly as harsh on knee-jerk liberals as it is on Bush's "War on Terror"É plus, it's all done with marionettes!

apple.com/trailers/paramount/team_america

- Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow--(September) Holy fuck! Flying robots! Retro-futuristic sweetness! Aliens! Submarines! Airplanes that flap their wings! Angelina Jolie in leather! Holy fuck!

apple.com/trailers/paramount/skycaptainandtheworldoftomorrow

- The Grudge--(October) This remake of the Japanese horror hit Ju-on has the same director and the same locations, but one very important addition: Sarah Michelle Gellar!

apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/the_grudge

- Blade: Trinity--(December) Blade jumps over the New Line logo before sweeping past the Marvel Comics oneÉ and then he starts kickin' ass!

apple.com/trailers/newline/blade_trinity

- Shaun of the Dead--(September) A funny preview for an even funnier movie.

focusfeatures.com/clips/shaun_of_the_dead/trailer480x202.mov

- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy--(June 2005) A smart teaser for the long-awaited adaptation.

chud.com/HHGTTG_teaser.avi

- I Heart Huckabees--(October) From the director of Three Kings comes an "existential comedy" with Dustin Hoffman and Jason "That Kid From Rushmore" Schwartzman.

apple.com/trailers/fox_searchlight/i_heart_huckabees