Women I Love

Last week, Katie Shimer recommended films featuring actors she is desperately in love with. Not only was it shallow, sexist, kind of creepy, and somewhat offensive, it was also clearly unfair--there are just as many films worth recommending due to their hot leading ladies. Therefore, I present a similarly shallow, sexist, kind of creepy, and somewhat offensive list of films I recommend because I'm hopelessly in love with their stars.

- Donnie Darko (2001)--As a naïve 12-year-old, I was abruptly introduced to puberty via Drew Barrymore's 1992 classic Poison Ivy. That said, it doesn't get any better than Ms. Barrymore as Donnie Darko's English teacher; for a lit nerd like myself, it's pretty much a wet dream come true to watch Drew ponder the symbolism of Watership Down.

- X2 (2003)--I don't know if it's that she's unbelievably hot or that she has those awesome telekinetic superpowers, but Famke Janssen's Jean Grey is enough to make a stupefied comic book fanboy out of anyone with a pulse.

- The Office (2001-2003)--As receptionist Dawn, Lucy Davis is unbearably sweet and hopelessly kind, yet not above the occasional acerbic jab or heartbreaking display of unrequited emotion. It's enough to make you want to beat the shit out of her asshole boyfriend.

- Kill Bill Vol. 1 (2003)--A stunning former assassin. Wearing a skin-tight yellow tracksuit. Swinging a samurai sword. And possessing an insatiable thirst for bloody, ruthless vengeance.

- Garden State (2004)--Where to even start with my future wife, Natalie Portman? There's the fact that her character in Garden State, Sam, is smart and beautiful and funny, and that she loves one of my favorite bands ever, the Shins, and that she's a bad (but compulsive) liar, which is somehow really hot, and then there's the adorably retarded helmet (also inexplicably sexy), and that she is somehow both gorgeous and charming even when she's wearing a torn-up garbage bag for a raincoat. And did I mention she starts crying when she buries her pet hamster? Because that's the clincher. ERIK HENRIKSEN