THURSDAY, JANUARY 18

8:30 NBC THE OFFICE

Jim enlists the help of Pam AND Karen to play a prank. This isn't going to end well.

9:00 FOX THE O.C.

That stinky trust-fund hippie Che returns and takes Seth on a spiritual retreat to the forest.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 19

8:30 NBC 1 VS. 100

A single contestant takes on a mob of brainiacs including the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders and Diff'rent Strokes' Todd Bridges??

9:00 FOX TRADING SPOUSES

The classic Trading Spouses episode featuring gagging Christian "God Warrior" Marguerite Perrin!

SATURDAY, JANUARY 20

8:00 ABC SEABISCUIT—Movie

(2003) Boy meets horse, boy falls in love with horse, boy grosses the rest of us out.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 21

9:00 SCI THE DRESDEN FILES

Debut! A wizard-turned-private-eye helps the cops solve supernatural mysteries. Wow. That sounds really dumb.

10:00 SCI BATTLESTAR GALACTICA

Return! The BSG gang races to find directions to Earth before their algae planet goes supernova. Hmm. That sounds dumb, too.

MONDAY, JANUARY 22

9:00 FOX 24

It's 10 am, which means Jack and the terrorists decide to stop for brunch.

9:00 NBC HEROES

A new shocking hero makes his debut: Meet Lushy, the Flying Liquor-Drinking Donkey!

TUESDAY, JANUARY 23

9:00 Various STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS

President Bush provides an update of how things are going in Iraq. Nutshell: same shit, different day.

9:00 CW VERONICA MARS

When the college animal research lab is missing a monkey, who ya gonna call?

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 24

9:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL

Get ready for an extra dose of "crazy," when the Idol auditions head for NYC!

9:00 ABC KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY

The plot to rob Mick Jagger's penthouse hits a snag when the gang finds a suitcase crammed with moolah!